


STAGES OF MOTHERHOOD

by teaandbiscuitsforme



Series: STAGES [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 2020, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Baby Fic, Childbirth, Coronavirus, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Modern Era, Pregnancy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29629374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandbiscuitsforme/pseuds/teaandbiscuitsforme
Summary: Morgana never expected to even hear from Vivienne ever again, let alone when she was only four weeks away from giving birth. Having been thrown in at the deep end when parenting Amhar, they thought that they’d be pros at parenting by now, yet life change after life change continues to prove them wrong
Relationships: Cenred/Morgause (Merlin), Leon/Mithian (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin), Mithian & Morgana (Merlin)
Series: STAGES [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913146
Comments: 7
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin but I do own the kids, schools and some of the hospitals

**How could you leave so unexpected? We waited, we waited for you but you just left us. We needed you, I needed you. I don’t know what it’s like to be addicted to pills but I know what it’s like to be a witness it kills. Mama she told me she loved me I’m thinking this isn’t real, I think if you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah.**

_30th June 2020_

“Did you just say?” Morgana gasped as she stood up. 

“Mum is alive!” Morgause confirmed. 

“She can’t be! I mean, it’s been what, _how_ many years?”.

“Fourteen years” Morgause counted. “And, well. She’s moved to Dublin. Had a drug addiction”.

“She what” Morgana gasped. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Sissy” Morgause sighed. “I presumed that well, I was protecting you”.

“What other lies have you told, Morgause?” Morgana snapped. 

“I haven’t. I haven’t”.

“Then how the fuck did you know?”.

“She was addicted when she left. I didn’t know anything else until she got in touch with me, around half an hour ago. She—Vivienne, is not well. Not at all”.

“Shit” Morgana whispered. 

“She had a heart attack and has been admitted to hospital. In Dublin. Visitors _are_ allowed”.

“Are you going?” Morgana asked. 

“Hell nah” Morgause scoffed. 

“She’s your _mother_!” Morgana protested. 

“Too much has happened” Morgause shrugged. “I thought you’d want to know”.

“Thanks for telling me Morgause” Morgana sighed. 

“I’ll text you the details. Bye sis. Take care”.

“You too” Morgana cried and hung up. 

“Is everything okay?” Merlin asked as he wiped her tears. 

“My mother. She’s alive”.

“What!” Merlin gasped. 

“She’s fucking alive!” Morgana gritted her teeth. Although not for long. “She had a heart attack, she’s in a hospital in Dublin. Merlin, I don’t know what to do”.

“There is no right or wrong thing to do, Morgana” Merlin said. “If you want to go, you should go”.

“It’s a seven hour drive, I can’t do that” Morgana sighed. “I could fly there. Ryan air is direct from Bristol to Dublin or easyJet to Belfast but”.

“There’s that risk of course”.

“And it’s Ryan air” Morgana sneered. “Not to be posh or anything, but”.

“You don’t want to take the risk” Merlin completed. 

“I wouldn’t have to quarantine for two weeks, Ireland is a travel corridor. Plus, I could you know. Have coronavirus”.

“That could be the case” Merlin sighed. “Hospitals are high for transmission rates”.

“Are you saying I shouldn’t go?”.

“No” Merlin took Morgana’s hands in his. “What I’m saying is that you need to prioritise the health of you and the baby. It’s a global pandemic. I know she’s your mum and all”.

“But she abandoned me for ages” Morgana sighed. “It did impact me a lot. You’re right, i shouldn’t go. I mean, I’ve got the baby. He could come at any minute”.

“Exactly. He could. I mean, I know the border’s open and all, but it isn’t safe”.

“You’re right, I don’t want to risk getting corona or passing it on to anyone else or getting it while  
pregnant. Look, we ought to go to bed. It’s been a long day”.

* * *

_1st July 2020_

“Pinch! Punch! First day of the month!” Merlin said gently pinching Morgana at the table. 

“A slap” Morgana slapped Merlin. “And a kick” kneed right in the balls—“for being too quick”.

“Ouch” Merlin said. 

Amhar laughed. “Silly daddy”.

“Silly daddy indeed, huh?” Morgana agreed. 

“Yeah” Amhar agreed. “Silly daddy”.

Merlin fake pouted at Amhar, not that he changed his mind. “You win”.

“Yayy” Amhar cheered. 

“I think we ought to do something today” Morgana smirked 

“Anything in particular?” Merlin asked. 

“How does packing the hospital bag and building the pram sound?” Morgana suggested. 

“Okay” Merlin agreed. “I think that’s a good idea. I mean everyone’s given up with online learning at this point anyway so”.

“Everyone’s done with corona” Morgana rolled her eyes. “But, you know soon enough we’ll be back to normal”.

“Mum and dad have started isolating” Merlin said. 

“Okay, that’s good”. When Morgana went into labour, they’d first drop Amhar with Leon and Mithian while waiting for Hunith and Balinor to come down from Sheffield. Once they’d get there they would look after Amhar while Merlin was at hospital with Morgana. 

After breakfast, Merlin and Morgana went to their room to begin packing. They made sure that the baby gate was on the bathroom, stairs and Amhar’s room so that if he wandered off it didn’t matter and they could focus on packing. 

“So we need around five bodysuits shortsleeved for baby, alongside around five babygrow” Morgana said as she began packing. “I need my breastfeeding friendly things, birthing gown, or actually I might give birth naked. Who knows, just in case. Pyjamas in case we’re in overnight, breast pads, nappies, maternity clothes, my pillow, gown, hairbrush and all”.

“Can’t forget the maternity notes” Merlin said as he grabbed them out the draw and put them in the outside zippered pocket of the suitcase. 

“And birth plan” Morgana added. “Let’s see, we ought to back five tiny baby bodysuits and baby-grow’s, a few rompers, two in newborn size just in case he’s big, they say lot to introduce a dummy until three weeks old if breastfeeding so don’t need to do that. He needs nappies, and that’s it really. Rest it all for me”.

“Nothing for me?” Merlin pouted. 

“You try throwing up every day for nine months, having a baby sit on your bladder and smushing your organs, not being able to sleep properly, having _the worst_ backache ever, having a bump around which admittedly I like, then tell me that you feel fucking sorry for yourself” Morgana retorted 

“Uh oh” Amhar gasped and shook his head. 

“Silly daddy indeed” Merlin agreed. 

“Might be useful to take a spare t-shirt, birth is messy. Anyway, I’m going to start harvesting colostrum at some point”.

“What’s that?” Merlin asked. 

“Do you know that stuff that baby gets before breastmilk comes in”.

“I _think_ so” Merlin scratched his head. 

“Well I’m going to start getting that just in case baby needs more milk. I _refuse_ to give him formula”.

“Amhar had formula and he turned out okay” Merlin shrugged. “I mean I know you want to breastfeed but I personally can’t see what one bottle of formula will do”. Morgana took one look at Merlin and burst into tears. “Okay, no formula then. I’ll let you get on with the expressing, Amhar lets go do something”.

“Garden?” Amhar asked. 

“Okay, sure kiddo” Merlin shrugged. Merlin took Amhar to play in the garden and started on making lunch. He’d also been recently “batch cooking” meals so that he could spend more time with the baby when he arrived and they wouldn’t be too tired. Amhar took a nap after lunch while Merlin and Morgana had to do the most difficult part of parenting—installing the car seat. 

“Baby seat goes behind the passenger seat and Amhar’s seat on the drivers side” Morgana decided. 

“So I’ll do both seats?”.

“No” Morgana shook her head. “You do Amhar’s seat. I’ll practice the baby’s seat base. Should be easy I think”. Merlin and Morgana’s flopped themselves into the sofa with a large glass of ice cold water and the fan on full blast.

“You’re putting the baby seat in next time” Morgana huffed. “I’m dead”.

“It looks easier than Amhar’s seat” Merlin shrugged. “But of course I’ll do it. When should we put it in?”.

“Probably around thirty-eight weeks” Morgana decided. “It takes only a few minutes so”. 

“That makes sense” Merlin agreed. Morgana’s phone began to ring, this time Morgause requesting to FaceTime. 

“Hi! I can’t figure this oh wait I think you’re there“ Morgause said very loudly. 

“Shh” Morgana insisted. “Amhar is asleep”.

“Wait, I, think I got it! Yep, there we go” Morgause propped her phone up. “how’s it going? I take it you decided to stay home then”.

“Morgause, I could give birth any minute now. I know I don’t look like I’m about to pop”.

“You’ve always had a sweet little bump. It’s adorable” Morgause said as she gazed into Morgana’s eyes. “Let’s see it”.

“Okay then” Morgana awkwardly showed her bump. 

“Still adorable” Morgause smiled. 

“I know Ryan Air lets you fly until the end of 36 weeks but I don’t want to take the risk”.

“Or you could have the baby on Ryan Air flight and name it Ryan” Morgause grinned. 

“Merlin, pass the sick bucket” Morgana fake retched. “No thank you”.

“You don’t like any of my suggestions, do you?” Morgause raised an eyebrow. 

“Not at all” Merlin vigorously shook his head. 

“Well, you gotta think of some names soon”. 

“Don’t worry sister, we have been” Morgana smirked. “Noah and Archie are on the shortlist”.

“I’d also look into some Italian names if you want” Morgause added. “Mum’s actually half Irish half Italian so I thought it worth mentioning for names and whatnot”.

“Really?” Morgana asked. “I’ve actually seen a few. Thanks Morgause”.

“No worries Sissy” Morgause smiled. “Well I assume you have some names to pick and a kid to look after, I’ll let you get to it”.

“Talk later” Morgana said. 

“Bye” Morgause said as she tried to end the call, muttering to herself about “stupid technology”.

“Seen any you like?” Merlin asked as they looked at Italian baby names on the website. 

“Angelo is nice” Morgana said as she added it to the list. “My mother’s name, Vivienne, in her exact spelling is there too”.

“Really?” Merlin asked as he looked at the website. 

“Yeah” Morgana said. “Angelo’s the only one I like, let’s see what other ones there are too”.

“Angelo Mordred Emrys” Merlin said. “Bit of a mouthful”.

“I think so too. Let’s see what else there is. Aidan’s nice”.

“I’ll add it to the list” Merlin said. 

“Why is it _so hard_ to choose a name for a baby” Morgana chuckled. 

“He won’t be a baby forever, eventually he’ll be as old as us”.

“Don’t remind me” Morgana groaned. “Adam maybe. I dunno, there aren’t any particular ones I like under the themes”.

“In that case, let’s just see what boy names there are” Merlin decided. 

“Albert maybe” Morgana wrote down. “Oh look, Albion’s there”.

“We _are not_ naming our baby Albion!” Merlin insisted. 

“It didn’t make the cut” Morgana rolled her eyes. “Alder?”.

“No” Merlin scoffed. “It’s like the hospital, Alder Hay”.

Morgana cringed. “You’re right. Aldrin? Or Alwyn?”.

“I like both” Merlin agreed. “What about Alfie?”.

“Alfie” Morgana breathed. “I love it. Put it at the top”.

“We should have a couple more at the top of our list. I think Felix is rather good”.

“Felix Emrys. I like it” Morgana decided. 

“Felix Mordred Emrys or Alfie Mordred Emrys”.

“We can decide once he’s here” Morgana smiled. “Let’s build the pram”.

“In the hallway?” Merlin asked. 

“More than enough space in the living room, now that we’re not working anymore” Morgana shrugged. She went over to the conservatory and after opening the baby gates began pushing and kicking the box through to the living room. 

“I’ll do it” Merlin chuckled. “I heard Amhar on the baby monitor, he’s awake”.

“Okay, I’ll go get him so he can help” Morgana said and went to get Amhar. After changing Amhar’s nappy and by the time she had returned, Merlin had unboxed everything and had all the things spread out on the floor—chassis, four wheels, seat/carrycot frame, carrycot and seat fabric, sun canopy, carrycot cover and the basket. 

“How are we meant to make _that_ look like _that_ ” Morgana said as she looked at the grey contents on the floor and then the box and instructions. 

“We have to build it Morgana” Merlin said flatly. 

“I know” Morgana said as she sat on the floor with the booklet. “Okay, so don’t leave baby unattended, carrycot for only six months yada yada yada”.

“Improper use can result in death” Merlin said. 

“Talk about trying not to scare new parents” Morgana rolled her eyes. “So we need the chassis and the wheels. Press the inside handlebar buttons, lift it up then flick it out”.

“Well that was easy” Merlin remarked “I think I need to pull the front” something clicked. “That works”.

“Big wheels at the back and small wheels at the front it seems” Morgana said as she began to attach them. “Break on and attach the basket”.

“I’ll do that” Merlin decided. He lay down on the floor next to the pram and worked on that. 

“I want to help” Amhar said as he tugged at Morgana’s leg. “Pwease mummy”.

“No Amhar, let’s go play with something”.

“And leave me alone to assemble this?” Merlin asked. 

“No” Morgana scoffed. “I’m assembling it, then when I need help I’ll call you”.


	2. Chapter 2

  
**I’m patiently waiting for you to arrive. I wanna meet you so bad I could cry. I wonder whose hands and whose eyes you will have. I wonder if you’re gonna smile like your dad. Nothing you ever do will be so wrong, you belong, you belong. And I wanna help you be better than me. There won’t be a star in the sky you can’t reach. I’ll wipe off your tears but I’ll let them fall first, and I will be brave when you fall and get hurt. You can be you, you don’t have to be strong. You belong, you belong**

_15th July 2020_

As she had for the last few days, Morgana woke up drenched in sweat. The one sheet that she and Merlin had been using to sleep with for the last few days was getting annoying, even if it was impossible to sleep without _something_ on top of them. Dressed in a pair of Harry Potter pyjamas with the shortest shorts and a tank top that read “I’d rather be at Hogwarts”, she was entangled with a mixture of clothes, that sheet and maternity pillows, her boobs falling out of her top and feeling as though she’d barely slept at all, exhausted yet having insomnia that didn’t budge. Now at thirty-eight weeks the baby could come at any time, not that he was showing even a sign of budging. 

Vivienne had been released from hospital and was recuperating at home, according to Morgause. Morgana was too busy nesting, making sure that all the clothes were washed and that everything was ready for the baby. The next2me magic crib was attached to Morgana’s side of the bed, mattress and sheets ready inside it alongside many gro-swaddlers ready for the new arrival. She glanced at the bedside table—glass of water, clock, phone and colostrum syringe. After checking the time—ten o’clock and expressing some colostrum, Morgana went down to put it in the fridge. 

“Good morning!” Merlin greeted. 

“Meh” Morgana replied as she opened the fridge and stuck her head inside. 

“Dat my milk?” Amhar asked. 

“That’s the baby’s milk” Morgana replied as she sat down with Amhar. 

“Sleep well?” Merlin asked. 

“Your son kept me up all night again, I’m exhausted and am going to melt soon enough”.

“Melt” Amhar giggled. 

“Well, given lockdown and how unusual this year has been I can’t say that I’m particularly surprised that the weather is bipolar too”.

“Yeah” Morgana agreed. “Well Elyan and Gwaine are dating”.

“I know” Merlin smirked. “They’ve slept together too. Several times”.

“It’d be good to see them, but shielding”.

“Not long now” Merlin sighed as he put his hand on Morgana’s bump. 

“Everyone’s been saying that for ages and I’m still pregnant” Morgana pouted. 

“Alright, sorry” Merlin backed away. “Usual for breakfast?”.

“Please” Morgana replied. “I think we should order Amhar’s big boy bed”.

“How do we know which one to order?” Merlin asked. “I mean we can hardly go to IKEA right now, can we?”.

“He had the brown sundvik stuff already. We’ll get the bed to match it all too” Morgana shrugged. 

“That makes sense” Merlin agreed. “How the hell we managed to keep it like the brochure so far I’ll never know”.

“Merlin, I highly doubt it’ll stay looking like the brochure for much longer” Morgana retorted. 

“True, once baby gets here”.

“I hope it’s soon” Morgana sighed. “I do love being pregnant, feeling him move inside me, having the experience. But it has gotten a bit, you know. Frustrating”.

“I know love. This pandemic sucks” Merlin agreed. “Any plans for today”.

“Let’s do _another_ walk” Morgana joked. “We can order Amhar’s bed, one of those junior chairs, maybe go out in the paddling pool. Also I think we ought to put the car seat in the car”.

“This is getting so real now!” Merlin squealed. “Well, everything is ready. Hospital bag packed and ready to go, car seat almost installed, Amhar is ready to move out of his cot”.

“I know” Morgana agreed. “I wonder when I’ll be able to take a proper shit again”.

“Still constipated?” Merlin asked. 

“It’s annoying!” Morgana huffed. “I need to wee all the time, but as for going for a poo, _nothing_!”.

“The laxatives weren’t that good then?”.

“No” Morgana pouted. “Okay, I’ll try a suppository. May as well do my group B strep test. Help me with it?”.

“What do I do?” Merlin asked as he read the packet. 

“Stick it up my arse, apparently” Morgana shrugged. “And you stick the group B test up my vag”.

“We should do a hospital run” Merlin shouted through the en-suite door while Morgana was on the toilet. 

“Okay” she shouted back. “We’ll have to time it. Should get Amhar to nap too”.

“After lunch then, I guess” Merlin decided. As Merlin said, they went to Avalon City hospital after lunch, making sure to time the journey. “Thirty-five minutes” Merlin declared as he pulled into the hospital off the junction. 

“That wasn’t _too_ bad” Morgana said. 

* * *

_20th July 2020_

“One week to go” Morgana sighed as she lay down on the sofa. “Exactly one whole week. It should be illegal to go overdue in this heatwave, though at least I’m negative for step B”.

“Darling there are so many things you think you be illegal” Merlin chuckled and shook his head. 

“Mornings are terrible!” Morgana protested. “As is being pregnant in a heatwave”.

“Can’t say I disagree” Merlin shrugged. The doorbell rung and Merlin glanced outside to see a huge lorry. “Bed’s here”.

“Dat for me?” Amhar asked. 

“It’s your big boy bed!” Morgana exclaimed. “And your big boy chair!”

“That for me!” Amhar squealed. 

“I know, you go help daddy to make the bed and mummy will sort out the car”.

“That sounds good” Merlin smiled. He began to pull in the mattress and bed frame while Morgana brought in the Ingolf junior chair. It was much like the regular dining chairs in the kitchen, yet was higher so that Amhar could reach easier without needing a highchair, he was beginning to get fed up with it. 

“I think after someone goes to bed on their new big boy bed that we can have some special mummy daddy time” Morgana smirked. 

“I look forward to it” Merlin smiled. Amhar settled well in his big boy bed for the night. He had his stuffed toys with him and his new blanket which he wrapped himself tightly in despite the heat. Merlin walked into the bedroom and was met by a gust of cold air—he soon noticed the fan in the corner. Morgana was semi sat up in bed, her best piece of pregnancy lingerie on. Despite the stretch marks she looked absolutely perfect to Merlin. 

“Well well well, Mr Emrys” Morgana purred. “Why are you late?”.

“The kid was misbehaving” Merlin shook his head. “Terrible. You seem to be rather late too”. 

“Nine months” Morgana agreed. “Should be out sometime soon”. She walked over to Merlin and began to caress his face. 

“You don’t think my dick will poke the baby in the face, do you?” Merlin asked. 

“I’ve never heard of a baby being traumatised because it’s parents had sex while the mother was pregnant” Morgana shrugged. “Now shut up and kiss me!”.

* * *

_21st July 2020_

Amhar slept half on his bed, half on the floor. He’d soon get used to it, although was loving how big his new bed was compared to his cot. Merlin and Morgana put the side they’d taken off back on the cot and had the cot and bed against the wall next to one another. They’d also ordered another wardrobe for the baby so had two opposite along with the changing table/drawers in the middle. The tutti bambini rocking chair sat underneath the window, the little table and chair had been moved downstairs to allow Amhar to do some drawing as he wished. 

“I know I moan a lot” Morgana sighed. “But I’m really going to miss being pregnant”.

“Is this because you take two naps per day” Merlin chuckled. 

“Maybe” Morgana said slyly. “I know I moaned a lot and had Hyperemesis, threw up every day and lost a shit tonne of weight which was tough. I mean look how amazing my skin is!”.

“It’s pretty amazing” Merlin agreed. 

“Thick hair is nice too” Morgana added. “Stretch marks aren’t _too bad_. Also, I need you to do something for me”.

“Anything that isn’t murder”.

“I need you to shave my vagina and my legs” Morgana deadpanned. “I can’t get down there anymore”.

“Okay love” Merlin chuckled and kissed her forehead. “I need another lockdown haircut”.

“So does Amhar. Okay, let’s go down to the kitchen and get on with it” Morgana grinned. Moving them out of the cooking area and into the washing machine and bathroom area, Merlin dragged a chair and the highchair over. Amhar sat there in nothing but a nappy, Merlin likewise with his pants. 

“No mummy!” Amhar pouted. “No haircut”.

“Sorry sweetie, you need a haircut” Morgana sighed. “If you’re a good boy, you can have lots and lots of bubbles in the bath”.

“Okay, Amma have haircut” Amhar agreed. 

“Look, daddy’s going first” Morgana said as she began to cut Merlin’s hair. “See?”. Morgana cut the sides and the back leaving the top long and floppy, doing the same for Amhar. 

“I match daddy” Amhar beamed. 

“You do” Morgana smiled. “Now, you can have a quick shower then we have a water fight in the garden”.

Amhar gasped loudly. “I want a water fight”.

“Yeah” Merlin smirked. “Daddy will shower you off real quick and get you into a swim nappy and your sun suit”.

After getting into their swimming costumes, everyone went out in the garden with a water gun each. 

“I GOTCHA!” Amhar squealed as he stood in the middle of the garden. He had his arms stretched out and pulled the trigger, the water spraying out onto the conservatory. 

“And I win!” Merlin declared as he got Amhar. 

“No” Morgana smirked as she came out from behind the slide. “ _I_ win”. Merlin spluttered while Amhar giggled as they were soaked in water, before Amhar jumped into his paddling pool. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought it best to add a warning that there’s slightly graphic talks of pregnancy symptoms ;)

**When tomorrow comes, I’ll be on my own. Feeling frightened of the things that I don’t know, when tomorrow comes, when tomorrow comes, when tomorrow comes. And though the road is long, I look up to the sky and in the dark I found lost hope that I will fly and I sing along, I sing along, I sing along. I got all I need when I’m with you and I, look around me and see a sweet life. I’m stuck in the dark but you’re my flashlight, you’re getting me, getting me through the night**

  
_1st August 2020_

Four days had passed since Morgana’s due date, meaning that officially she was overdue. Surprisingly though, she wasn’t that fed up with being overdue and instead enjoyed the last moments with Amhar as an only child. They’d decided that it was a good idea to do something just them three and Amhar seeing as once the baby came they’d be rather busy, so booked a day out to Noah’s ark zoo farm, coinciding with the day that shielding had been paused. 

“We’ll take the car pushchair from my car so we can keep the double clean for when baby gets here” Morgana decided. “A picnic too we’ll somehow squeeze it all in the pushchair”. Given it was an hour away, Merlin and Morgana arrived just after ten in time for their time slot. Due to covid and to allow social distancing, they were only letting a certain amount of people in at a time and operating at forty percent capacity. 

“Okay, what animals do you want to see Amhar?” Merlin asked. 

“Da wions! And tigers!”.

“Lions and tigers it is then” Morgana agreed with a chuckle. 

“And chickens!” Amhar added. 

“Okay, we can see those too if they have them” Merlin smiled. 

“I want see _ebrey ting_ ” Amahr declared. 

“Everything?”.

“Yeah! Wets go!”.

“We need to get our tickets first baby” Morgana chuckled. 

“Why” Amhar pouted. 

“Cause we do” Merlin shrugged. After using the hand gel and masking up, getting their maps and reading it Amhar looked around the zoo in absolute wonder. 

“Woah!” Amhar gasped. 

“Let’s check the map” Morgana smiled. “If we go straight on and see the farm animals and some others first, there’s a play area where we can stop for lunch”.

“That sounds good” Merlin remarked. 

“Then we can see the maze and the bigger animals”.

“ROARRR!” Amhar exclaimed. 

“Ahhh” Morgana fake screamed. “That’s so scary”. Amhar grinned at Morgana and giggled, kicking his legs up and down. 

“Amhar look, there’s a” Merlin paused for a second to look at the map. “A siamang gibbon?”.

“Merlin, it’s a swimming pool” Morgana shook her head. “I think you read the map wrong”.

“Probably” Merlin agreed. 

“Look at that sweetie” Morgana said. She unbuckled Amhar and sat him on her hip as she walked towards some other animals. “It’s a stork, they bring the baby”.

“Morgana!” Merlin spluttered as he was crushed by the falling buggy. They’d hung a lot of bags on the handles and Amhar was the only thing balancing the weight. 

“Meh, you’re fine” Morgana shrugged it off. Many onlookers sniggered as they walked past Merlin and he moved the bags around to make it not fall again. 

“Oh look, there’s a little birdie house!” Morgana squealed. 

“That is going to be so cute!” Merlin said as he walked into it. Morgana held the doors open while Merlin went through, both holding Amhar’s hands as he walked. 

“Mummy” Amhar said quietly. He held his hands up for her to carry him. “That scawy” he put his face on her chest and held on tightly. 

“It’s okay sweetie, it’s a bird look”.

“Amhar no wike birds. Mummy” he cried. 

“Oh dear” Merlin grimaced. Making sure to adhere to social distancing, they got out as soon as they could given Amhar’s hatred of the birds, going to the meerkat’s instead. 

“Cuddle dat?” Amhar asked. 

“It’s very cute” Merlin agreed with a chuckle. 

“You can’t cuddle it, that isn’t a cat” Morgana said. “I think we ought to avoid the crocodiles for now, let’s see that other path”.

“Aww! Those wallabies are absolutely adorable!” Merlin gushed. 

“I know” Morgana agreed. 

“I want one!” Amhar said as he waved his arms up and down. “Cuddle it?”.

“No Amhar, they’re not pets and you can’t cuddle them” Morgana chuckled. “And you can’t cuddle them”. Amhar pouted his usual pout yet was soon distracted by whatever other animal that Merlin and Morgana walked towards. 

“What that?” Amhar asked as they looked at some emus. “Dat ugly. Bleh!”.

“That’s an emu” Merlin said. 

“Pee poo” Amhar said with a grin. 

“You’re so cheeky” Morgana shook her head. “That’s not very nice, Amhar”.

“Yeah” Amhar agreed. “Sowwwyyy mummy and daddy”.

“Thank you Amhar” Merlin said. 

“Well he’s a splendid little boy, isn’t he!” Someone remarked. “Perfect manners. How old is he?”.

“I two!” Amhar said as he showed two fingers. 

“You’re not two yet baby” Merlin chuckled. 

“I not baby” Amhar said. “Mummy having baby. My baby bruvverrr”.

“You’re going to have a baby brother!” she remarked. “That’s nice”.

“Tank ooooo” Amhar said. “I want a monkey”.

“You are a monkey” Merlin corrected with a chuckle. 

“No!” Amhar pouted. 

“Silly baby” Morgana chuckled and kissed his head. 

“Bye bye!”.

“Bye” Amhar waved. “Mummy I walk” Amhar insisted. 

“If you must” Morgana muttered as she put him down. 

“Tank ooo” Amhar smiled as he held Morgana’s hand. They ended up going at snail speed with Amhar walking, social distancing being harder to maintain so Amhar ended up being back in the pushchair and pushed along. He pouted as he was pushed along the path, Merlin and Morgana chuckling at the audacity of the one year old. 

“He’s certainly Arthur’s kid” Morgana shook her head and rolled her eyes. 

“He sure is” Merlin agreed. “And your nephew. To be fair he probably inherited your stubbornness”.

“I am _not_ stubborn!” Morgana protested. “I am pregnant with your son. There’s a _difference_ ”.

“Sorry, sorry” Merlin apologised while Morgana scowled as they walked towards the porcupine, Siamg gibbons and lemurs. 

“That so fluffy!” Amhar declared. “Stwoke it?”.

“We cant stroke it sweetie” Morgana chuckled. “Look, its moving around”. Amhar had shown quite an interest in the tortoises, he would’ve fallen into the pen if it wasn’t for Merlin being there to catch him. 

“A owl!” Amhar said as they watched the owls. “Hoo. Hoo”.

“That’s right! Owls make that sound!” Morgana exclaimed. 

“Y’know, I think CBeebies is actually good for him” Merlin remarked as they began to walk back. The one way system was virtually useless at that part of the zoo, given that there wasn’t a ramp and Merlin was not about to bump the buggy down a bunch of stairs. 

“I told you so” Morgana smirked. After seeing the other animals—crocodiles, other lemurs and some of the farm animals, Amhar was getting tired and both Merlin and Morgana were starting to get hangry, deciding to stop for lunch. Amhar fell asleep shortly after and instead of going around to see the animals, the couple decided to rest instead. 

“I thought that I’d finally go into labour after walking around here, yet I don’t even have a twinge” Morgana dramatically sighed. 

“Speak for yourself, my back aches like mad” Merlin commented. 

“Aww, poor you” Morgana taunted. “My ankles are swollen and have been for the past six weeks, my back’s been aching for the past nine months, there’s a baby on my bladder and I think I pissed myself”.

“Do you want to go check?” Merlin asked. 

“Probably vagina sweat” Morgana shrugged. “I can’t believe that today is one of the last days with Amhar as an only child!”.

“I can’t believe that we’re actually having a baby!” Merlin exclaimed. “This time last year we were going through the motions, trying to make our way through this shitty time”.

“I mean it’s still a shitty time” Morgana cut in. “Coronavirus. I mean, lockdown and all was great, I somewhat liked it but I feel bad for saying that cause of everything else”.

“Well, I guess we lived life on the highway and needed things to slow down, which they did”.

“I guess so” Morgana smiled as she kissed Merlin. Even though Amhar was still asleep, Merlin and Morgana walked around looking at the animals. Amhar woke up halfway through so they went back to the start and began walking around again to see all the animals—the sheep, goats, alpaca’s, llamas were Amhar’s favourite in the farm area before they went to the wild animals area. Amhar was in love with everything; the bears, zebras, giraffes, rhinos, reindeer and his personal favourites the lions, tigers and elephants. 

“No twinges or anything yet” Morgana pouted as they walked up to the house. “Oh look, we’ve got a parcel”.

“My pwesent for baby?” Amahr asked excitedly. Morgana opened it up—a jellycat fawn and pale blue bunny. Amhar’s was exactly the same, albeit in a dusky blue instead of pale blue. 

“My bunny and baby bunny!” Amhar beamed as he grabbed his bunny of the sofa and put it next to the baby’s one. 

“Yeah, that’s for you and that’s for the baby” Merlin smiled as he ruffled Amhar’s hair. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this” Morgana huffed. “But I am trying anything to get labour at this point”.

“Meaning?” Merlin raised an eyebrow. 

“I am doing the baby mama dance and filming it” Morgana deadpanned. 

“Okay, let’s do it then” Merlin laughed. “In the kitchen?”.

“My phone for filming, yours for the music” Morgana grinned as she went into the kitchen. Morgana strutted into view on the camera while lipsyncing. “When the song come on lemme see ya get gone, baby mama this yo song been pregnant for way to long, to long now tell the DJ turn it on”.

Merlin walked in carrying Amhar after that, throwing him in the air like simba and then dancing together. Morgana squatted rather well, holding onto the kitchen table as did Merlin with Amhar in tow.   
After they stopped the video Merlin and Morgana glanced at each other and laughed. 

“Well, let’s hope that worked” Morgana remarked. 

“Aww, we cute” Merlin said as he watched the video. 

“I never would’ve done this if it wasn’t for the heat and lockdown” Morgana chuckled. “Bloody hell, we’ve _changed_ ”. 

“I know” Merlin agreed. “You even did the baby mama dance!”.

“Oh my god!” Morgana bent down slightly and held her bump. “I think”.

“Did your water break?!” Merlin asked excitedly as he followed her to the bathroom. They’d long given up locking the door, pregnancy was proving to be the least glamorous thing ever. 

“Oh look, my mucus plug went” Morgana grinned as she held it up for Merlin to see. 

“So it’s go time?”.

“Not yet, but it _should_ be soon”.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana goes into labour!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - somewhat graphic descriptions of labour and childbirth and Morgana being high on gas and air

  
**This is where these winding roads have led. I can see a day of gold ahead. Cant be done impossible they’ve said. But I’ll get there, I’ll get there. I will rise up. I will not fall. I will stand up. I will not fall. I will stay strong. I’m never giving up faith. I will go on, go on the way. This will be the day, this will be the day**

_4th August 2020_

The baby had still not arrived although he was finally showing some signs of moving, Morgana having had minor cramps all day, with mild contractions coming and going. The house was as pristine as it could be by now, Morgana having been nesting a lot over the last few days. Cot was fully assembled and had new bedding freshly made, pram built, hospital bag and freezer with colostrum in the car and ready to go. Morgana was going to have her (hopefully!) final midwife appointment at forty-one weeks. They’d all been over the phone due to covid, the last time she’d actually been seen by one of the midwifes at thirty-seven weeks. Baby was growing well and all seemed fine, he was head down although not yet engaged into the pelvis. 

Merlin tapped his foot as he waited in the car. Amhar was sat in the back seat happily kicking Merlin’s seat which was beginning to get annoying. Usually Amhar’s seat was on the passenger side, but it was recommended for the rear facing kid to be behind the passenger so Amhar was now behind the driver seat. Though it was almost dinner time, four-thirty, so he was just glad Amhar wasn’t grouchy. The baby seat was now in the car. They’d had the base in there for a while, yet never the actual seat and Amhar had shown an interest in it, wanting the baby’s bunny to be strapped in while his own one was strapped in the middle seat. 

“Where mummy?” Amhar asked. 

“Mummy is in the toilet, then we’re going to her appointment to check the baby” Merlin said. The passenger door opened and after arranging her pillow, Morgana sat down with a sigh. 

“Right. Let’s do this” Morgana smiled as she held Merlin’s hand. “Last baby appointment”.

“The end is in sight” Merlin said. “And I’m bloody excited, albeit nervous”.

“Me too” Morgana agreed. “Well, time for the final countdown! Let’s head to Avalon!”. As they had often, Merlin left over an hour early. It took around forty minutes, yet he knew that they’d need time to pull over for Morgana’s to throw up (the hyperemesis had lasted the _whole_ pregnancy) and the hospital had _absolutely shit_ parking. Though it had been better as of late due to covid, Merlin _was not_ in the mood to take any chances. 

Morgana waddled off into the antenatal outpatients, waving bye to Amhar and Merlin. Merlin unbuckled Amhar and put Cocomelon on his phone. He wasn’t the biggest fan of it yet needed something to keep him occupied, and screens would suffice for now. 

Morgana was called through by the midwife into a room. She had to keep her mask on while she talked to her and had her weight and blood pressure taken again. 

“And how are you feeling in yourself?” The midwife asked. 

“I’m just fed up” Morgana sighed. “I mean, it’s bloody boiling with this heatwave, I’m uncomfortable and it feels like I’ve been pregnant for ages”.

“There is an end in sight dear” the midwife smiled sympathetically. “Is it okay if I listen to baby’s heartbeat with a Doppler and then we measure your womb?”. Morgana nodded and the midwife got on with it, happily taking the heart rate of baby and then beginning to measure Morgana’s uterus. 

“Okay, so from what I can tell, baby is doing perfectly fine in there, is he moving OK?”.

“Non stop” Morgana sighed. “I mean, he’s always wriggling left right and centre bless him. Though getting punched in the lungs fucking hurts, likewise with having a tiny foot wedged in your ribs”.

“That’s good” the midwife said. “From what I can see on your notes, your uterus hasn’t grown since your thirty-seven week appointment so we’re going to squeeze you in for a scan, I’ll go and sort that out. It may mean that you might need inducing but we’ll have to wait and see”. Morgana was unsure of what to say, nodding as the midwife had left the room. She didn’t have the most massive bump, it was rather small and petite. Most overdue women’s bumps would be rather large, yet Morgana’s had barely changed in the photos as she browsed the photos in front of the cot. Not much change at all. 

She pulled her mask down and phoned Merlin. 

“Is everything okay?” Merlin asked. 

“I’m not really sure” Morgana admitted. “Everything seems to be okay. They measured my uterus and they said it’s the same as it was at thirty-seven weeks so they’re going to do a scan”.

“Hopefully everything’s alright” Merlin said. 

“I hope so too” Morgana sighed. “I mean, they might induce me in which case birth plan is out the window. On the other hand, we get to see baby sooner. Oh I don’t know Merlin”.

“Look babe, everything will be okay” Merlin reassured her. “I’m going to make sure that my parents are on standby, I’ll ask Mithian and Leon if they can take Amhar too”

Morgana inhaled shakily. “Thank you Merlin. I have to go now, I think”.

“Good luck” Merlin offered. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. He’s been moving like mad”. 

“But I have been having cramps now”. Morgana hung up as the midwife came back into the room with the sonographer. Morgana anxiously looked up at the screen as they conducted the exam. 

“Okay, baby seems to be doing well in there yet he is rather small for your dates, he doesn’t seem to have grown since thirty-seven weeks” the consultant explained. 

“What!” Morgana gasped. “But he is okay? Isn’t he? Will I need inducing?”.

“Now, we know your birth plan involved being in the midwife led unit, and provided that you go into labour overnight you still can have the birth you wanted seeing as it is attached to the hospital”.

“And if I don’t?”.

“In that case we’ll induce you tomorrow morning”.

“Is it okay if, can you check me?” Morgana asked slightly blushing. “I _think_ I’ve been having contractions but I can’t be sure as I’m hypnobirthing and it’s my first”.

“Of course” the consultant replied as she washed her hands and put some gloves on. Morgana lay down on the couch to allow her to examine her. “You’re about four centimetres dilated”.

“Already!” Morgana gasped. 

“Yes” the consultant confirmed with a smile under her PPE. “We’re going to move you to the midwife led unit in that case. Congratulations mama”.

“Can my husband come?” Morgana asked. “He’s in the car with our toddler but he’s arranging childcare and all”.

“Of course, once the toddler’s been sorted out that’s okay. We’ve lifted the restrictions a bit now so birth partners can stay for more than an hour after the birth and also visit”.

“Thank god” Morgana sighed. “Would it be possible to store my colostrum somewhere?”.

“Of course, we have a milk kitchen make sure you label it and we can put it in a freezer in there. I’ll go see if there’s a bed ready” the consultant and midwife left the room. Morgana phoned Merlin once more. 

“It’s go time!”.

Merlin’s eyes widened and he gasped. “Already!”.

“Yeah” Morgana sniffed lightly. “They uh, they were going to induce me. But I’m already four centimetres so they’re looking at moving me to the unit”.

“Oh my god!” Merlin squealed. “Mithian and Leon are on their way, around twenty minutes away I believe they said. We’re having a baby!”.

“Right now, it seems” Morgana grinned. “They said that they’ll move me up to the unit soon, so I’d better go”.

“I’ll call you back when Mithian and Leon are here and have taken Amhar” Merlin said. “I’ll see you soon”.

“I love you” Morgana said. 

“I love you too” Merlin replied. Morgana still hadn’t phoned back by the time Mithian and Leon had turned up. 

“So it’s baby time then?” Mithian grinned. 

“It is” Merlin smiled. “Anyway, here’s his bag he has his toys and uh, yeah I gotta go”.

“What’s the car seat called?” Leon asked as he took it off merlin. “We can sort that out, find a video on YouTube and all”.

“Britax king” Merlin replied as he took the hospital bag out the boot. “I have to go”.

“Yeah, of course” Mithian said. “Good luck!”.

Merlin went through to the entrance, stopped by a security guard. He phoned morgana and they then let him through and into the antenatal department, Morgana was sat in the waiting room. The midwife came back soon and took Merlin and Morgana’s up to the birthing suite after swabbing Morgana for coronavirus, a rather spacious room with beanbags, an exercise ball, birth pool and a separate en-suite.

“Check out the sick bucket” Merlin grinned as he put the cardboard bowl on his head. “Okay, it’s not that funny”.

“Just stop being a fucking idiot for goodness sake! Oh my god!” Morgana gasped as she grabbed her stomach. “Oh my fucking god! That bloody hell!”.

“Are you okay?” Merlin asked. 

“Do I look fucking okay Merlin!” Morgana hissed. “Oh wow, I _am_ having a contraction. Check out the monitor”. There was a knock at the door and the midwife came back in. 

“How you doing Morgana?” she asked. “I’m Lily, I’ll be looking after you”.

“It’s okay” Morgana huffed as she practiced her breathing. “It hurts a little but not too much”.

“Okay, so from what I’ve been told it’s still rather early, is it okay if I look at your birthing plan?”.

“Okay” Morgana huffed. She sat on the exercise ball and began bouncing on it while whining simultaneously. 

“So no pain relief except paracetamol and gas and air”.

“Yeah” Morgana nodded. “I’ll try that later but for now I think I can cope”.

“Okay, that’s good” Lily said. “So for now I think just make yourself comfortable and we can see how things go from there”.

Morgana remained on the ball for a while, the contractions soon getting closer together and lasting longer as the sun began to set and it actually became dark. Nonetheless, they remained over five minutes apart and were lasting less than a minute, although were there all the same. Morgana was still able to eat, having a huge pack of skittles while bouncing on the ball. 

“Heh, I could go to the moon!” Morgana decided. “Oh shit shit shit, ahhhhh fuck fuck that hurts. I think I’d like to go in the pool”.

“Okay let’s practice the breathing” Merlin said as Lily began to fill up the pool. He was sat on a chair opposite Morgana and she leant her head onto his shoulder. “In”.

“I’m breathing in!” Morgana screeched. 

“And out” Merlin said. 

“I feel sick” Morgana announced. The midwife heard and went to get a sick bucket, Merlin didn’t think anything of it until there was a fresh stream of vomit going down his back. Merlin backed away and let the midwife hold the sick bucket for Morgana while he looked around in horror. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, a rainbow falling down his back. 

“Heh, who said eat a rainbow!” Morgana laughed. “More like puke a rainbow”.

Merlin turned around to look at Lily. “Unfortunately they ran out of the white skittles from pride month”.

“That was two months ago Merlin” Morgana scoffed. “At least you don’t look boring”.

“Touché” Merlin shrugged. His t-shirt was a plain white one, the skittles adding more colour to it. 

Morgana began to suck on the gas and air pipe. “This is fucking amazing! I feel amazing”.

“Good” Merlin smiled. “Going in the pool?”.

“Yeah” Morgana said going in there with her Entonox. The pool was rather relaxing, Morgana stripped down to stark naked while Merlin held her hand on the side. “Feel a bit woozy”.

“That’s normal with the gas and air” Lily chuckled as she took some more notes. “Many people get high”.

“Did you know” Morgana began giggling. “That he killed me”.

“Yes, a thousand years ago” Merlin chuckled nervously. 

“Right” Lily said slowly. 

“He also poisoned me” Morgana added. “Twice”.

“What!” Lily gasped. 

“I didn’t know you had a nut allergy” Merlin exclaimed. 

Morgana sighed and sucked in more gas and air. “Bit late love but I might be a lesbian”.

“What!” Merlin looked at Lily worriedly. 

“Don’t worry, we see this all the time” Lily reassured him. “Gas and air does funny things”.

“Thank god” Merlin muttered. 

“Okay, it’s around ten o’clock” Lily said. “Morgana is it okay if I examine you?”.

“Yeah of course” Morgana said. “Stick your hand up my fanny, can you check if I’ve got piles too? Actually don’t I’ll probably fart in your face”.

“You’re five centimetres” Lily said as she washed her hands. 

“ _Only_ five!” Morgana exclaimed. 

“First labours tend to be rather long” Lily smiled sympathetically. “That’s half way! I’ll be back soon”.

“Merlin, you should try this gas and air! It’s amazing!” Morgana grinned. 

“Listen” Merlin breathed on the gas and air. “I’m Darth Vader”.

“Emrys Vader” Morgana said as she continued to suck on her gas and air. It was going to be a long night. Morgana decided to take a paracetamol and then sleep on the bed in the room, Merlin choosing to sleep on a beanbag. The day their son would be born was soon upon then, and they needed to sleep while they could. 

* * *

_5th August 2020_

Morgana woke up in absolute agony. For the first time since finding out she was pregnant, she felt well rested and refreshed. Lily handed her the gas and air pipe and she immediately latched onto it. 

“Huh, what!” Merlin said as he woke up. He glanced around and realised where they were. “HOLY SHIT I’M ABOUT TO BE A FATHER”.

“Well done you blithering idiot” Morgana rolled her eyes. She got out of bed and made her way to the en-suite to brush her teeth and freshen up before she went back on the birthing ball. 

“So he’ll come today?” Merlin asked. 

“Let’s see how dilated you are Morgana” Lily said as Morgana went back to the bed. “Six centimetres”.

“So that doesn’t mean it’s long now? Though only one centimetre in six hours” Morgana asked as she stood up. “OH FUCKING HELL”.

“Hopefully not” Lily sympathised. “That’s nothing to worry about, it’s more like if you don’t dilate 0.5cm over four hours is when things get worrying. My shift’s ending soon so you’ll likely have another midwife when you have the baby”.

“Okay” Morgana sighed. “It hurts like hell. Can I have some paracetamol?”.

“Of course” Lily replied as she went to get some. Morgana spent the majority of the morning between the birthing pool, birthing ball, bed and Merlin’s arms. Lily’s shift ended at eight o’clock, her new midwife taking over being someone called Kara. Oh shit. It was _that_ Kara. Mordred’s ex. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard the song in the Im a celebrity finale and then I couldn’t not add it here I found it so fitting!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby is born!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - graphic descriptions of childbirth Disclaimer - don’t own Merlin but I do own the hospital, Lily the midwife, the baby, Amhar the schools etc. JK Rowling owns the last three words

  
**All my little plans and schemes. Lost like some forgotten dream. Seems like all I really was doing was waiting for you. Just like little girls and boys, playing with their little toys. Seems like all we really were doing was waiting for love. Don’t need to be alone. Don’t need to be alone. It’s real love, it’s real love**

_5th August 2020_

Morgana knew she was absolutely terrifying in labour yet she just didn’t give a shit. She’d long passed the ‘giving a shit’ stage. Her old maths teacher could be delivering the baby at this point, she still wouldn’t give a shit. Kara was absolutely terrified of Morgana, probably in her first year since graduating so was rather nervous even though Morgana _tried_ to be nice to her. Well, as nice as she could be while in active labour and slightly high on gas and air. 

“Do you want anything?” Kara asked. 

“Could you do the pool please?” Morgana asked with a sigh. She’d been in active labour for over twelve hours now, and rather fed up with contractions and the pain. 

“Of course” Kara replied. 

“Merlin, stop eating the fucking rats!!” Morgana exclaimed as she relaxed in the pool. 

“Huh?” Merlin asked. 

Morgana was looking slightly loopy. “We don’t eat fucking rats just because the crops don’t grow, it’s stupid!”. Kara ran out to the nurses station to probably hide. 

“She’s absolutely terrified of you” Merlin chuckled. “Bless her”.

“Merlin, did you know that school, vagina and uterus are all six letter words that hold screaming children for nine months”.

“Yes dear” Merlin replied. 

“It’s hilarious” Morgana giggled. “I work in a school, have a vagina and a uterus, have been carrying a child for nine months and am about to push a kid out my vagina. Awesome, right!”.

“I suppose so” Merlin drawled. 

“Cervix too! My cervix is dilating. This is amazing, I love gas and air”.

She checked the time. Almost eight at night. The shift had gone past rather quickly, Morgana was dilated to eight centimetres by the time Kara left and Lily returned. 

“I’m still in labour” Morgana cried from the pool. 

“It’s okay” Lily replied. “You been doing much?”.

“Walking around like mad, watching Netflix, bouncing on the ball. _Nothing_ works” Morgana sighed. 

“I’m sure it won’t be too long. Did kara say how dilated you were?”.

“Eight centimetres” Morgana grumbled. “Fuck fuck ouch!” she gripped Merlin’s hand making him pale at the pain while holding her entonox pipe in the other hand. 

“That’s not long at all” Lily exclaimed while Morgana continued to whinge. 

“Is it really that bad?” Merlin asked as he rubbed her stomach

“Merlin, shut the fuck up or I’m going to bite you” she said to Merlin. 

“Kinky” Merlin smirked and winked. 

Morgana rolled her eyes, sighed, leant over mouth open wide and sunk her teeth into Merlin’s hand. 

“Ow! What was that for!” Merlin exclaimed as he took his hand away. He gently shook it trying to soothe it and wiped away the blood with a tissue. It looked out of place too, not to mention hurt like hell. Merlin decided to keep his mouth shut. Morgana looked at Lily who chuckled and shook her head. 

“Men are fucking idiots” Morgana rolled her eyes. 

“Can’t say I disagree” Lily grinned. 

“What did I do!” Merlin mocked offence. He offered morgana his other hand while nursing his bleeding hand. 

“Exist, _and_ put me in this position” Morgana muttered as she sucked on her pipe. Lily took her pipe away to change the can of entonox seeing as it was beginning to run out. “When I _eventually_ give birth, I’ll get some string, tie them around your balls until they turn blue and then remove them with a scalpel” Morgana turned to Lily. “Do you have a scalpel?”.

Lily bit back laughter. “No dear. Not in the midwife led unit”.

“Fuck” Morgana swore. “Well I need a scalpel. His balls aren’t safe _at all”_.

“Oh dear” Lilly remarked. Merlin went slightly green and looked as though he might puke at any moment. 

“Don’t look at me like that” Morgana barked. “ _You’re_ the one that impregnated me”.

“I thought we both agreed to try for a baby?” Merlin asked. 

“I’d keep quiet if I was you” Lily advised. 

“Good idea” Merlin agreed with a grimace. 

“Oh yeah, fun fact” Morgana said as she had more gas and air. “We actually conceived right here in this _very_ hospital”.

“Really!” Lily exclaimed. “Wow. Uh... _how_?”.

“We made out, he had an erection so put his penis in my vagina and next thing you know, bang! We’re back here in this exact same hospital ten months later and instead of his penis in my vagina I’m pushing a baby out of my vagina”.

“Well that _is_ what giving birth is” Lily laughed. 

“Merlin, if I ever willingly get pregnant again, don’t do it” Morgana warned. 

“Whatever you say love” Merlin winked. 

“I’m going to be sick” Morgana announced. She retched and projectile vomited all over Merlin. “And there’s your answer” she said as she wiped vomit off her chin. 

“Eugh!” Merlin said as he looked down at his top. “Second time”. 

“Whoops” Morgana shrugged. 

“It’s okay” Merlin insisted as he changed _again_. 

“At least I haven’t pooped in the pool” Morgana smirked triumphantly. “I’m counting my victories here. Only thrown up twice, which is a hell of a lot better than I’ve been doing at twenty weeks”.

“I get a rainbow vomit top instead” Merlin chuckled as he put that top back on. 

“You’re seriously going to wear _that_ top again” Morgana raised her eyebrows. 

“It’s colourful” Merlin shrugged. “What’s wrong with it?”.

“It’s covered in puke Merlin!” Morgana exclaimed. 

“Would you rather I go naked?” Merlin raised his eyebrows. 

“Would you like me to tie up your balls with a string until they turn blue and then remove them with a scalpel?” Morgana arched an eyebrow. Even though she hadn’t gotten them threaded in a while, they were still in perfect shape. 

“No” Merlin replied. 

“That’s what I thought” Morgana smirked. “Fucking hell, I’ve been here over twenty four hours!! It’s like ten almost!”.

“Okay, time to check how far dilated you are” Lily said as she helped Morgana onto the bed. “Nine centimetres!”.

“Urgh” Morgana groaned. “Can’t I just start pushing now?”.

“Sorry, not yet” Lily smiled sympathetically. “Has to be at ten centimetres. Though I can pop your waters if you want?” 

“Yes please” Morgana agreed as Lily popped them. She ended up being covered in the water as did Merlin, the pain intensifying. 

“I’ll get you some scrubs, Merlin” Lily said as she left the room. 

“Let’s watch Dumbo on Disney plus” Morgana decided. “Lucky Mrs Jumbo doesn’t have to shove a baby out her hoo ha”.

“What’s a hoo ha?” Merlin asked. 

“It’s a vagina, Merlin” Morgana deadpanned. Morgana still wasn’t quite at ten centimetres dilated even though it was almost eleven o’clock. While they thought that they’d have the baby today, it was looking more and more unlikely by the second that Morgana would get her water birth. Labour wasn’t progressing as quickly as they’d hoped, though contractions were much more consistent now that her waters had gone and Morgana had decided to use a TENS machine and that couldn’t be used in the water. They also decided to do some extra monitoring on the baby, though the contractions remained consistent. By half past eleven, Morgana was ten centimetres dilated and could begin pushing. 

“Did I just ... shit on the table?” Morgana blushed. 

“No, you didn’t” Lily reassured her. 

“Merlin, set the ambient lighting to blue” Morgana ordered. “Hey siri, play push it by salt n pepa”. 

“Playing push it by Salt and pepa” Siri said as the song began to play, Morgana pushing in time with the music. 

“Heart rate seems to be dipping, so we’re going to take you over to the delivery suite”.

“Is everything alright?” Morgana asked. 

“We’re going to move you up to the labour ward” Lily said as she pressed the button and someone else came running in. “Alice, can we check if there’s a delivery room free?”.

“Delivery room two is free” Alice said. Merlin recognised her even with her mask on—Gaius’ ex girlfriend. He had wondered what’d happened to her in this life. 

“Right let’s get her up there then” Lily said as they helped Merlin pack up Morgana’s things. “Merlin, I’m going to have to ask you to wear a mask while we transfer over”.

“Let’s put the sheet on you” Merlin said as they exited the room. 

“No,” Morgana stuck her lip out like a petulant toddler and threw the sheet off. 

“Morgana, we’re in the main part of the hospital” Merlin hissed. Morgana shrugged, she didn’t care. If anyone saw her like that they saw her like that. It was the middle of the night in a global pandemic so was highly unlikely anyway. They went down a few corridors into the delivery suite and then into room two. Morgana had to leave the gas and air behind and was given an oxygen mask instead. 

“Fuck it’s happening again!” Morgana screeched. 

“Right Morgana, with this next contraction I want to you to push now” Lily said. Morgana held her mask onto her face and held on to Merlin’s hand as she began to push. “Okay that’s good, good girl”. 

“Can we turn the lights down?” Morgana asked. “I don’t want the baby to get shocked by the light”.

“No, I need to see what I’m doing” Lily said. The door opened and someone walked in. 

“Dr Aglain, how we doing?”.

“Not fucking great—ahhhhh” Morgana threw her head back against the bed. 

“Morgana, the baby’s heart rate is dipping we need to deliver this baby as soon as possible, if not within the next half an hour we’re looking at a c-section”.

“What, is he okay? He’ll be okay, right!” Morgana cried. 

“We need you to push Morgana”.

“Imagine like you’re doing a big poo” Alice added. 

“Urrghhhh JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Morgana screeched. “This is _worse_ than being stabbed!”.

* * *

_6th August 2020_

One day, ten minutes and three contractions later Morgana was wiped out. 

“Okay, seems like there’s another one coming” Lily said. 

“I can’t” Morgana cried. “It hurts .. I’m so fucking tired ... shit” she began breathing heavily. 

“Five more minutes of pain, for a lifetime of happiness” Merlin said. 

“Aww how fucking sweet” Morgana sneered. “Which movie is that from?”.

“Jane the virgin” Merlin replied. After taking her pipe out, Morgana glared at Merlin. 

“Well I’m certainly not a virgin, at least not in this life” Morgana shouted as she pushed. 

“He’s crowning” Lily said. 

With one last push, the baby was out, born at 00:06. 

“Oh my god!” Morgana cried as she pulled the mask off. “Pass me my baby!”. She waited to hear the cry. Where was it?

“Okay we have the cord around the neck” Aglain said. He grabbed some scissors and began to cut the cord. 

“What’s happening!” Morgana barked. 

“Baby’s not breathing” Lily said as they flipped the newborn onto his back then his stomach. 

“What’s happening!” Morgana screamed. “My baby! My baby!”. A shrill cry filled the room, tears streaming down both Merlin and Morgana’s faces as their son was passed to them. He still had all the gunk, vernix and blood on him, not that they cared about the mess. “Oh thank god”.

“He’s okay” Merlin cried as he put his pinky on the baby’s hand. “Hey little man”.

“Hi sweetie” Morgana cried as she latched him onto her breast with help from Merlin and Lily. It hurt like hell and was rather difficult but she didn’t care. The baby was here. “Hi sweeties. Oh sweetie, it’s been a long time waiting for you. We were so scared just then, so so scared”.

“You’re okay, and I’m your daddy and there’s your mummy” Merlin cooed in a baby voice. “We’ve been waiting for you for a long time”. 

“Oh Merlin I was so scared” Morgana cried. 

“He’s okay, see” Lily said. Morgana and Merlin looked at the baby and into his eyes. 

“Aw sweetie” Merlin said as he gripped his pinky finger. 

“We’ve been waiting for so long sweetheart, so many days. Mummy and Daddy have been waiting so long and so has your big brother, he can’t wait to meet you. I can’t believe you’re here my precious”.

Merlin and Morgana gazed at their newborn, while Lily took a few photos on their phones. He had a little bit of jet black hair, his nose was small and he was rather alert. He was perfect, all was well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I cried when I wrote this (I mean in my defence I was on my period so rather hormonal lol)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of birth!

  
**You’ve got wires. Going in. You’ve got wires. Coming out of your skin. You’ve got tears, making tracks. I’ve got tears, that are scared of the facts. Running down corridors, through automatic doors. Got to get to you. Got to see this through. I see hope is here in a plastic box**

_6th August 2020_

“I can’t believe we have a newborn” Morgana said. She still had to deliver the placenta, yet at that moment she didn’t give a shit if the doctor shoved his hand into her womb and removed the placenta with his fingers. She was covered in god knows what gunk, he still had some of it on him although they wiped quite a lot of it off him. 

“Hi sweetie” Merlin cooed. “What do we think? Are you more a Felix or an Alfie?”.

“Mummy thinks Alfie” Morgana smiled as she kissed his head. 

“I think so too” Merlin agreed. “Felix doesn’t suit him”.

“Alfie Mordred Emrys it is” Morgana smiled. Merlin burped the baby after he finished feeding, even though he was somewhat covered in baby sick now too, he didn’t care. The “new baby smell” was _amazing_. After half an hour of skin to skin with both Morgana and Merlin, Alfie was taken away to be weighed, he was tiny at 5lb 13oz.

“That’s rather good” Dr Aglain remarked. “Especially since he was fetal growth restricted. We’re going to monitor is breathing for now, you can still hold him though”. Morgana let Merlin hold Alfie while they attached the ECG stickers to him (which he cried during), before he went back to his mama with an oximeter. 

“How did we create something so amazing, so perfect” Morgana said. 

“We, you know. Did it”.

“I can’t believe we made absolute perfection through sex” Morgana sighed. “Look at him”.

“He’s the best” Merlin agreed. “Look at his tiny fingers and his tiny nose. Gosh he’s so small!”.

“I can’t believe he was only five pounds, that’s tiny” Morgana exclaimed. “But he’s here, he’s safe”. The oximeter attached to Alfie’s foot began to beep and he cried slightly at the sound. 

“So he seems to be having difficulty breathing” Dr Aglain said as he held his hands out for him to take the newborn. “So we’re going to move him to the NICU”.

“What’s wrong with him?” Morgana asked. 

“His oxygen levels are lower than we expected so we’re going to take him to the NICU”.

“But ... but he’s fine” Morgana stuttered. “Isn’t he?”.

“He’ll just need some extra monitoring”.

“If he only needs extra monitoring, why can’t he stay here?” Morgana retorted. 

“Morgana we need to deliver the placenta now” Lily said. “I’m going to need you to push”.

“I don’t want to fucking push!” Morgana screeched. “I want my baby!”.

“He’s not breathing” Dr Aglain said as he and Alice took the newborn. 

“What do you mean he’s not breathing!” Morgana shouted. “Merlin, go make sure he’s okay, Merlin go!”. Merlin looked around in shock, Morgana began screaming and thrashing around shaking while Dr Aglain worked on the baby. Her eyes flashed yellow and a high pitched cry filled the delivery suite. 

“Blood pressure skyrocketing, mum we’re going to move you to the HDU”.

“I don’t want to go to fucking HDU, I want to see my baby!” Morgana cried. She was still shaking, her eyes repeatedly flashing yellow along with the lights in the room going on and off. “Merlin go see him, go see him now” morgana screeched as she continued to breathe heavily and trash around. 

“Morgana we need to deliver the placenta now” Lily said. “I need you to push”.

“I fucking am pushing” Morgana screeched as her fists went thrashing in the air. 

“Fuck! My nose!” Merlin gasped as blood began to pour out of it. 

“Baby’s stable but we’re going to move him to the NICU”.

“Let me see him!” Morgana cried. “Let me see my son”. Dr Aglain brought Alfie over, Morgana kissed his forehead and then the baby was moved to the NICU in his cot. “Don’t you _dare_ give him formula” Morgana hissed. “I have my colostrum in the freezer”.

“Morgana, the placenta’s almost out one more push”. Morgana pushed the placenta out while Lily yanked the umbilical cord and began shivering. 

“Why is it so cold?” Morgana whispered. 

“It’s boiling” Merlin said. He took his disfigured hand and put it to her sweat drenched forehead. “Babe, you’re uh”.

“Okay, let’s pack up the things then move to the HDU” Lily said to Alice. 

“Can I come?” Merlin asked. 

“I’d suggest you head down to A&E to get that all checked out” Lily grimaced. “There’ll be others asleep on the ward, visiting hours are over. NICU has no visiting hours but I’d check with Dr Aglain first”.

“Merlin, please stay” Morgana whispered. “Please. I won’t try to kill you. I promise. I’m sorry”. 

“Morgana we really need to move you as soon as possible” Lily said. “Your blood pressure is through the roof, we need to work on getting it down”.

“Okay” Morgana cried and took a deep breath. “Okay”.

“I love you” Merlin said as he kissed Morgana. “I’m so proud of you and our son. I promise, I’ll be back, when are visiting hours?”.

“Eight am until ten pm in the high dependency” Lily said. “Okay Merlin, we’re going to head off now”.

“Bye love” Merlin cried. 

“I’ll miss you” Morgana cried. 

“I will too” Merlin said. “I’ll only be downstairs, in A&E getting my hand and nose checked out”.

“Are they broken?” Morgana laughed. 

“I’ll have to go see, okay?” Merlin grinned and kissed her forehead. “Love you”.

“I love you too Merlin” Morgana said as he saw him putting his mask on. 

“Ouch” Merlin said. His nose continued to bleed, the blood seeping through the mask and dripping onto his scrubs. He looked a bit like a doctor pre-COVID. 

“Does it hurt to wear the mask?” Lily asked. 

“Like hell” Merlin grimaced. 

“I think that qualifies as an exemption” Lily said. “Now go to A&E and get your hand and nose checked out”.   
Merlin walked out of the delivery suite, turning back to wave to Morgana who was taken to HDU before he exited the women and children’s department and made his way to A&E. It was pitch black outside, the stars twinkling. Still boiling hot, a hint of warmth in the air. Merlin checked the time—around two in the morning. He debated whether to phone his parents or get checked out first, after seeing “last seen: 22:55” on whatsapp he decided to go to A&E to get his nose checked out. 

“A&E how can I help?” The receptionist said. 

“My wife just gave birth, bit my hand and squeezed it so hard it’s gone a bit misshapen” Merlin showed his hand off. “And I’ve had this nosebleed for the past half hour when she punched me”.

The receptionist chuckled. “Congratulations. Boy or girl?”.

“Boy. We named him Alfie” Merlin smiled. “One of the midwives advised me to come down here”.

“I can see why” the receptionist laughed. “Name?”.

“Merlin Emrys”.

“Address?”.

“35 William Jones, NP25 3AE” Merlin replied. 

“Take a seat” the receptionist said after putting a wristband on Merlin. “Congratulations on the little one. Not so much on the injuries”.

“Thank you” Merlin grinned as he went to sit down. He’d been given a lot of tissues to hold to his nose, not that they stopped the bleeding. A&E was practically a ghost town, much like the rest of the hospital. With it being the middle of the night and in the middle of a pandemic, there weren’t many people there. Merlin was seen rather quickly and after being taken to a room and then a bed he was prepped for an x-ray on both his nose and his hand. 

“We do see this rather often” the doctor chuckled. 

“People ending up with a broken hand and nose due to their wife giving birth?” Merlin chuckled. 

“Just the hand part” the doctor laughed. “Hand _and_ broken nose is rather rare”.

“I can imagine” Merlin agreed. “Well that’s what my wife’s like I guess”.

“Can I see a picture?” The doctor and nurses asked. 

“Of course” Merlin said as he took his phone out and showed them a picture of the three of them. “His name is Alfie, five pounds thirteen ounces”.

“Aww, he’s tiny” the nurses cooed. 

“He’s adorable” the doctor said. “Let’s get your X-ray done”. Merlin’s nose was indeed broken, while he thought his eye bags were due to lack of sleep from being awake for no one knows how long, it was actually a side effect of his broken nose. Technically it was only fractured so after having some paracetamol, much to Merlin’s relief it was decided that he wouldn’t need a splint, although he did have a gauze fitted seeing as it wouldn’t stop bleeding that he’d have removed at the head and neck unit in a few days. Merlin’s pinky was also fractured, so he was given a splint and had it bandaged up before he was sent on his way. 

Patents were allowed to visit the NICU at all times so Merlin walked over to the women and children’s department, taking the lift up to the first floor. He walked over to the NICU after running down corridors and through automatic doors, he was quickly let in, being led to Alfie. Alfie was asleep in an incubator, wearing only a nappy a hat and had a tube going into his nose with a light over him. 

“He’s slightly jaundiced” it was explained to him. Alfie’s oxygen levels were returning to normal and it was likely that he’d be able to move to be with Morgana in the morning. After saying bye to his newborn son, Merlin took the stairs down and walked out of the hospital, phoning his parents. It was beginning to get light now, yet at this point it was obvious Merlin wouldn’t get any sleep. While leaning against the wall outside the hospital and checking the time—five o’clock, Amhar would be waking up soon enough so he decided to call his parents. 

“Merlin?” Hunith said. 

“Son, it’s five o’clock in the morning!” Balinor exclaimed. 

“Mum, dad!” Merlin grinned. “He’s here! The baby’s here!”.

“Son, it’s five o’clock in the morning” Balinor repeated. 

“That’s great son!” Hunith gushed. “How is he?”. 

“He’s in the NICU for breathing problems but he’s going to be moved in the morning to be with Morgana”.

“Oh no, I hope everything okay” Hunith said.   
  
“It will be” Merlin replied. 

“Are you coming home tonight then, son?” Balinor asked. 

“Yeah, I’m probably going to get changed and all before heading back here. I did spend a few hours in A&E”.

“What happened!” Hunith gasped. 

“I fractured my nose so now I’m exempt from a face mask and broke my pinky”. 

“What exactly happened?” Balinor frowned. 

“Morgana gave birth” Merlin deadpanned. “See you in around forty-five”. Merlin arrived home just before six, tiptoeing into his house. Hunith and Balinor were sat at the kitchen table with a mug. 

“Morgana’s not pregnant, I can have coffee” Merlin grinned as his mother passed him a mug. 

“I want to know everything” Hunith said. “From start to finish”.

“Okay” Merlin smiled. “On Tuesday evening, Morgana had a midwife appointment, first one in person since thirty-seven weeks. Turns out her uterus hadn’t grown since then”. 

Hunith gasped. “What!”.

“They said if she didn’t go into labour overnight that she’d be induced in the morning, but checked and she was already three centimetres dilated. So we were moved to the midwife led unit. Not much happened, Morgana eventually was ten centimetres at around ten o’clock last night. Baby’s heart rate was dipping so she was moved to the delivery suite and he was born at six minutes past midnight ... not breathing”.

“Merlin” Balinor said sympathetically. 

“He .. he had his cord wrapped around his neck” Merlin gasped as he began to choke on his sobs. “He soon breathed. Morgana and I got to hold him. Then ... after ... around half an hour, his oxygen levels dropped and he stopped breathing, Morgana’s blood pressure skyrocketed so she was moved to high dependency, baby started breathing again and I saw him in the NICU and he is _perfect_ ”.

“Oh Merlin” Hunith said sympathetically. “That sounds really hard”.

“It was rather scary towards the end” Merlin said. 

“Do you want a hug?” Hunith asked. 

“Alfie’s in NICU so I think it’s best not to” Merlin replied. 

“You smell” Balinor remarked. 

“Yeah, Morgana puked on me” Merlin chuckled. “I only had one spare top and then that one was puked on, so the midwife gave me scrubs”.

“Yeah, I think you ought to take a shower” Hunith agreed. Merlin took a shower and then went downstairs for breakfast when it was closer to seven, dressed in clean clothes. Amhar was sat on his chair drinking his milk when Merlin walked into the kitchen. 

“Daddy!” Amhar gasped as he saw Merlin. 

“Hey buddy” Merlin said as he picked up Amhar and hugged him. “Do you want to know something?”.

“Yeah” Amhar replied. 

“Mummy had your baby brother” Merlin exclaimed. 

“Baby bruvver here?” Amhar asked. 

“He is” Merlin smiled as he brought up a photo. “His name’s Alfie, and he was born today”.

“Alfie” Amhar said with a smile. “I wike Alfie”.

“I’m glad” Merlin smiled. “Soon he’ll come home and you can play with him”.

“I wove Alfie” Amhar smiled. After staying for breakfast much to Amhar’s delight, Merlin took the drive back to the hospital and arrived not too long before eight. Morgana was sat up in her bed eating toast and drinking some coffee. 

“Morning” Merlin said as he kissed Morgana. 

“I can now drink coffee” Morgana smiled. “Finally”.

“That’s a relief” Merlin grinned. “We’ll need it with the baby”.

“We will” Morgana agreed. 

“How are you?” Merlin asked. 

“I managed to get some sleep in the end but had to wake up to breastfeed” Morgana replied. “They took me down to the NICU to breastfeed Alfie. I’m heading down to see him after breakfast”.

“Okay” Merlin replied. “I went to see him last night after I went to A&E”.

“How was it?” Morgana smirked. 

“You fractured my nose, hence my lack of face mask” Merlin pouted. “And broke my pinky”.

“Oh well, your bollocks are safe” Morgana shrugged. “Sorry about that though”.

“I have to come back here on Monday to have my gauze removed, seeing as the bleeding wouldn’t stop”.

“Do you think it was worth it?” Morgana asked. 

“What worth what?” Merlin asked as he scratched his head. 

“The pain of broken fingers and whatnot for Alfie”.

“One hundred percent” Merlin nodded. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat”.

Morgana finished her breakfast and then went down to the NICU. While at first she had gone in a wheelchair, she now felt OK to walk as she had Merlin to lean on for support. The rules were that only one parent (per baby) was allowed in the NICU, so Morgana went in so she could feed Alfie. It was also decided that Alfie could move out of the NICU now that his oxygen levels were back to normal, so Merlin and Morgana went back to the high dependency ward wheeling Alfie in the cot. He’d just spent his first night curled up on his own in the incubator even though no one could probably tell, and Morgana was adamant on holding him all the time. Merlin held him whenever she went to the toilet or had a bath, though she sometimes would insist on him going with her so that she could see Alfie, awkwardly having to balance her peri-bottle, maternity pads and “spritz for bits”. 

“This is great” Morgana sarcastically remarked as she sat down on the toilet holding onto her peri-bottle. “And here I thought having a toddler was well ... gross. As for a newborn”.

“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this” Merlin chuckled as he burped Alfie lightly. “Well, this is the life”.

“It sure is” Morgana agreed with a grimace. 

“You okay?” Merlin frowned. 

“I’d heard the first poo after birth was hard, but fucking hell, this is awful!”

“At least you don’t have to mess around with suppositories” Merlin raised an eyebrow. 

“Or laxatives. Though I do have to keep a folded up pad between my vagina and my anus to make it hurt less, that’s what the midwife said. Fucking hell, it’s like giving birth all over again or something”.

“Maybe they missed part of the placenta?” Merlin asked. “I mean, they _could_ have”.

Morgana looked down to check. “No, they didn’t. Fuck that hurts. I need my vagina spray thing it’s supposed to help”.

“Spritz for bits?” Merlin asked uncertainly as he passed her it. 

“Yeah, apparently stops your vagina hurting after you give birth. They do some nipple cream and lanolin for your boobs but I don’t want Alfie ingesting that stuff”.

“Ingesting it?” Merlin frowned. 

“Yeah, I rub it on my nipple, he eats from my nipple. Anyway, I’m getting engorged so I’ll head back to the bed and feed him soon”.

“You sure? Aren’t you still..”. Right on cue Alfie began to cry. 

“Welcome to the new parent life” Morgana grinned. “Where you can’t even shit in peace”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brother has this annoying light up toy called “Alfie bear” from when he was a baby, we happened to find it when I was writing this and when he saw Amhar said “I wove Alfie” he couldn’t stop laughing cause he thought i was writing about the bear 🤣


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby comes home!

**The day we met, frozen I held my breath. Right from the start, I knew that I’d found a home for my heart, beats fast. Colours and promises. How to be brave, how can I love when I’m afraid to fall. But watching you stand alone, all of my doubts suddenly goes away somehow. One step closer .... I have died everyday waiting for you, darling don’t be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more**

_7th August 2020_

After Alfie was allowed to stay with Morgana, her blood pressure had decreased significantly at her next vitals check and therefore was moved over to transitional care with Alfie. Morgana was put onto a bay with three other women, and as a covid precaution all curtains had to be drawn around the bed and partners had to wear masks. Except Merlin was exempt for the time being, so he decided to buy a visor, not that he could wear it yet seeing as it touched his nose and he couldn’t have _anything_ touching it. He’d probably need one for when he returned to work anyway. 

“How’s the nose working?” Morgana smirked. 

“Very funny” Merlin scowled. 

“Pregnancy nose has gone and I can finally drink coffee again” Morgana smirked. “Which is a fucking godsend, let me say that”.

“How was the night?” Merlin asked. 

“He woke up every hour for a feed, then I decided I couldn’t sleep and just lay there staring at him, taking in his perfection”.

“I’d have done the same if they let dad’s stay”.

“You’d snore and keep the whole ward up” Morgana chuckled. 

“So just you, cause you’re the King’s ward?” Merlin raised his eyebrows. 

“Not the dad jokes already” Morgana groaned. “And daughter, not ward. You were Gaius’ ward”.

“The dad jokes are the mad jokes” Merlin shrugged. 

“Please stop” Morgana groaned. “I’m too tired for the dad jokes”.

“Do you want me to hold him for a while, let you get some sleep?” Merlin asked. 

“I’d rather keep an eye on him” Morgana said. “He’ll need feeding soon anyway”.

“Morgana, you look exhausted. It’s okay, you need some sleep. It’s been quite a difficult and traumatic birth”.

“I don’t need to sleep Merlin, I’m fine” Morgana snapped. She looked away from him and focused on Alfie. 

“Okay. Should we watch Netflix?”.

“No, we’re not exposing Alfie to screens” Morgana scoffed. “They’re bad for brain development. We’re giving him the best start in life that he can have”.

“Okay” Merlin reluctantly agreed. “We have given him the best start though”.

“Not just the best start, but the best life we can give him”.

“And we are doing that, Morgana”.

“I know, I know” Morgana looked away from Merlin as she felt tears rising and choked back a sob. 

“What’s the matter love?” Merlin asked. She had been rather emotional lately, not that Merlin was surprised. 

“Did I ever tell you about the day that my mum left?”.

“You told me about _when_ she left and all” Merlin frowned. “But not the _actual_ day”.

Morgana took a deep breath and adjusted Alfie in her arms slightly. “I was twelve. Just gotten back from boarding school for the summer a few days prior. Arthur was out with a girlfriend of his, Morgause was looking after me and dad was at work all day as usual. Mum had come back from work and she said that she was popping to the shops ... she. She never returned”.

“Oh Morgana” Merlin gasped. “That’s terrible, absolutely terrible”.

“And, I know that I said the same things when we adopted Amhar but having Alfie now, it just brings it all back. Seeing him here, just how could a mother abandon their child?”.

“Come here” Merlin said as he embraced her. “It was a shitty thing to do, that’s for sure. You aren’t your mother. Your mother and you are two completely different people”.

“I know” Morgana wiped at her tears. “I know, but I still worry. Would I be a bad mother? What if I’m not cut out to be a mother? What if, like my own mum, I’m good when they’re little but the second they’re teenagers it all changes?”.

“Morgana, that won’t happen. You’re already a wonderful mother to Amhar, and will be to this baby too. Amhar was so worried that you were in the hospital, even though I told him babies are born in hospital. You _are_ cut out to be a mother. Not to mention, I’ve seen the way you are with teenagers. I haven’t got a clue what happened last year with Harriet but I know that you did a bloody good job with helping her”.

“I guess I did” Morgana sighed. “I mean, all of a sudden there’s this little tiny human being who’s relying on me for every bloody thing in his life. I mean, he’s so trusting of everything when I could easily fuck up”.

“It’s terrifying” Merlin agreed as he kissed his wife’s forehead. “We can do this. We’ve managed to do it with Amhar, many people do”.

“I guess” Morgana shrugged. 

“You should get some sleep” Merlin said. “I’ll take the baby. There’s plenty of midwives around, it’ll be okay”.

“Okay” Morgana reluctantly agreed. She passed Alfie to Merlin and reclined the bed to flat. Morgana slept for a few hours before she woke up. Luckily they didn’t use all the colostrum she’d expressed while Alfie was in the NICU, so Merlin fed Alfie some of that when he was hungry as to not wake Morgana. Merlin also booked a newborn photoshoot for the twelfth, given that both Morgana and Alfie were doing rather well so would be released soon. Merlin had to leave at eight o’clock to go home, and Morgana was glad for the alone time with her son. She kept him in a “skin to skin top”, which was rather like a baby wrap but had to be used when the mum was sitting down so that baby could be worn inside her. 

Alfie began cluster feeding, staying attached to Morgana for up to three hours at a time. Not that she cared, just looking at the newborn and taking it all in. Though it hurt like hell, period and pregnancy boobs were _nothing_ compared to this. She put him down after he fed at ten, ready to go to sleep herself after changing into her pyjamas. Morgana fell asleep for around ten minutes before Alfie was crying and woke up for another feed. He ended up spending the whole night cluster feeding, not wanting to be put down so by the time Merlin came in the morning Morgana was almost asleep, although he did calm at being held by his father. 

* * *

_11th August 2020_

Merlin strutted into the main hospital building and took the stairs up to the head and neck unit. His gauze would finally be removed from his nose, and he could go back to wearing face masks again (hopefully). He still had the splint on his finger, and it wasn’t much of a bother unless he was holding Alfie. Amhar was older so he wasn’t as careful with him as he was with the newborn. He’d registered the birth and he made sure to bring the birth certificate with him to show Morgana. He had his gauze removed nice and early in the morning after registering the birth before he went to transitional care, this time carrying their Cybex CloudZ car seat. He was quickly buzzed in and made his way to Morgana’s bed. She was dressed in a pair of leggings with a nursing tank, hair tied up in a messy bun. Alfie was laying down on the bed while Morgana went around tidying things up. 

“Hey you” Merlin smiled. 

“Ah, you’re here” Morgana smiled. “Well, they’re just about to do his newborn heel prick test, they’re sorting out his red book”.

“What’s a red book?” Merlin asked with a frown. 

“Amhar has one. It’s basically a record of his health and how he grows, so he has it marked down at his weigh in’s. That way they can see what percentile he’s on growth wise”.

“Ah, that make sense” Merlin replied. “Is this little man ready to go home?”.

“Almost” Morgana smiled as she picked him up. “His physical and hearing tests have come back clear, we’ve _already_ registered the birth”.

“That’s good, isn’t it little man” Merlin cooed. Morgana fed Alfie while he had his heel prick test, he didn’t cry during it although was a bit fussy afterwards. He was dressed in a grey woven romper with a matching hat, Morgana strapped him into his car seat while they waited for the discharge paperwork, which arrived soon before both Merlin and Morgana walked out carrying the car seat. 

“Oof, this is heavy” Morgana remarked. “Especially given that it’s _literally_ called a cloud, it’s more like the opposite”.

“I’ll carry it” Merlin decided. “I find it okay”. They walked over to the car, and unlike fifteen months prior when they were struggling to put the car seat in the car, Merlin clicked the seat into the isofix base and twisted it around so that it was rear facing. Morgana sat next to Alfie in the backseat while Merlin drove home. 

“Holy shit! I don’t feel like I’m about to throw up anymore” Morgana remarked. 

“Good” Merlin chuckled. “Oh this feels a lot like deja vu”.

“It does” Morgana agreed. “When we were taking Amhar home from the hospital after the car crash. Only this time we actually know how to fit the car seat in the car”.

“Fifteen months can change a lot” Merlin agreed. 

“Instead of just having miscarried, we just had a baby together. Then there’s the pandemic”. 

“That was _extremely_ unexpected” Merlin agreed. “So I’ve told mum and dad that they can hold the baby but they have to wash their hands for forty seconds and wear face masks around the baby”.

“Thank you Merlin” Morgana said. They had a colourful green mirror with a raccoon and ladybird attached to the headrest so that Alfie could see himself and not get too bored, yet somewhat stimulated with the colours and the branch it had going across it. They had a mirror attached to Amhar’s side of the car too, just a regular old one so that he could see Alfie’s reflection, though Amhar didn’t have one in Morgana’s car yet and Alfie’s one wasn’t colourful so they needed to change it. It was around one o’clock by the time they arrived home, driving extremely slowly on the A40 and taking care on every bump and pothole like the extremely cautious new parents they now were. Amhar had just finished his lunch with Hunith and Balinor, they washed their hands and put their masks on as Merlin and Morgana brought the car seat in. 

“We’re home” Morgana grinned as Merlin walked through to the living room. He plonked the car seat down on the sofa and Morgana unstrapped Alfie. 

“Mummy!” Amhar beamed. “Who dat?”.

“This is your baby brother Alfie” Morgana said as she sat down on the sofa. Amhar climbed up sat next to her, gently touching Alfie’s hands. 

“Daddy, dat my bruvver!” Amhar grinned. “Gwandma, gwandpa, I a big bruvver!! I got pwesents for him!”. Like when Amhar was born, they’d also gotten a baby blue jellycat bunny and a fawn instead of a bat, they’d decided on getting a different animal and a bunny in a different colour so that the boys wouldn’t get confused—that and it didn’t feel right to get another bat given the whole situation. They’d also bought a baby blanket, pale blue and was similar to Amhar’s one (not that he used it anymore, having progressed to his Hey Duggee blanket with the baby blanket being retired to his memory box).

“Do you want to hold him?” Morgana asked. 

Hunith nodded eagerly. “Yes please. I have washed my hands”. Hunith sat next to Morgana and she passed the newborn to her mother-in-law and then her father-in-law held the baby. Things were nowhere near normal, yet in that moment in their living room, it was perfect. Morgana and Merlin took a photo of the baby’s hand and wrote a message. “Alfie Mordred Emrys arrived on the 6th of August 2020, 5lb 13oz” and sent it to everyone. They hadn’t really spoken to anyone while Morgana was in hospital, opting to bond with the baby instead. Now they were back home and in a new normality. Hunith and Balinor made sure that Merlin and Morgana had dinner before they left, allowing them to open the many gifts they’d gotten in private. Which was a lot—a very expensive breastfeeding kit from Morgause, chocolate for Amhar from Merlin and Morgana’s friends, all sorts of adorable baby clothes, Ewan the sheep from Hunith and Balinor, a memory box and batch cooked meals from Mithian. 

“Oh boy, we’ve got two kids” Merlin sighed. They weren’t doing much, just lying in bed. Alfie lay on his stomach on Morgana’s chest for his tummy time while she stared at him for the past few hours, Amhar was happy to go between playing, singing and watching the baby. 

“Okay, I think I need an ice pack for my vagina” Morgana sighed. “Ouch, that hurts”.

“I go get ice pack” Amhar insisted. Merlin took Amhar with him to the freezer, the almost two year old felt like he was helping and they didn’t want him to feel as though he was pushed to one side away from the baby. 

“Thank you” Morgana smiled as she sat on it. “So many of us are wearing nappies. Me, Amhar, Alfie. How do you feel about that”.

“It is what it is” Merlin shrugged. “Amhar is huge”.

“I know” Morgana agreed. “Amhar lie down here. Look at Amhar’s feet compared to Alfie’s”.

“He’s tiny” Merlin agreed. 

“And mine too, they’re big”.

“Morgana, you’re a size five”.

“And your’s are huge” Morgana continued. “The biggest of them all. I really am sleep deprived”.

“At least one of the kids is sleeping through the night. How do you feel about sleeping through the night, Alfie? Yeah?”. Alfie let out a wail and began rooting. 

“Which tit did he suck on last?” Morgana asked. 

“What I!” Merlin gasped and turned around. “We’re meant to keep track?”.

“Hang on I think I made notes, yup it’s the right one”.

“I can’t believe we’re actually having a conversation like this” Merlin muttered. 

“Rockabye baby sucking my tit, then I’ll make daddy clean up your shit” Morgana sang. 

“Well, looks like we’re back to normal” Merlin remarked. 

“Indeed. The new normal. I really need some lanolin I didn’t know it was possible for my nipples to hurt this much”. Morgana remained in bed, wincing at the pain as she fed Alfie. She knew breastfeeding would be hard, she just didn’t know how hard it would be. Merlin was putting Amhar to bed, Morgana had no plans except to stay in bed as much as possible, though also go on walks given it was meant to help recovery. She waited until merlin was finished putting Amhar to bed before they went to the main bathroom, put the angelcare bath support from Amhar in the tub and set Alfie in it. 

“How the hell do we bathe a newborn” Morgana wondered as she put the tap on and checked the temperature. 

“I think he lies there? And we clean him” Merlin shrugged. 

“Can you get the thermometer please?” Morgana asked. Merlin grabbed it out the draw and put it in the water. “No higher than thirty-seven degrees”.

“Soap?” Merlin asked. 

“No, not yet. He’s too little for products” Morgana said. They’d gotten used to top and tailing him which was easy enough, just holding him on their knee and and using cotton wool with warm water to clean him. 

“He’s uh ... slippery” Merlin said. 

“That’s enough water” Morgana declared as she turned the tap off. 

“It barely reaches the bath support” Merlin commented. 

“It’s still enough. Okay, so we just swish water over him for a few minutes”.

“Oh. That’s ... simple”.

“He’s five days old” Morgana rolled her eyes. “I mean...he won’t know. Though the umbilical stump has fallen off so in theory it _should_ be easier”.

“I guess” Merlin shrugged. 

“Right, time to get out” Morgana declared as she grabbed a baby towel. “Oh wow, you’re a slippery baby aren’t you?” Morgana cooed as she gently lifted him up and cradled him in the towel. “Mind draining the bath while I go dress him?”. Once Merlin had returned to the room, Alfie was fully dressed in the Next2Me while Morgana stood there with a box on the bed. 

“What’s that?” Merlin asked. 

“His first clothes!” Morgana squealed. She held up a baby-grow with tiny blue elephants on it with a matching hat and a bodysuit that said “born in 2020”.

“Oh my god!” Merlin gasped. “Is this his baby box?”.

“It is” Morgana smiled. “Look, the bodysuit too”.

“He’s so small” Merlin pouted. “What else have we got to put in?”.

“My admission wrist band” Morgana said as she cut it off and put it in there. “The straps to keep the CTG on. Aww, it’s all so small”.

“Are we reusing these clothes?” Merlin asked. 

“Duh” Morgana rolled her eyes. “But, take a picture and write first clothes, coming home outfit and etcetera. I don’t want us to forget and we are very sleep deprived, so _probably_ will forget”.

“What about the pregnancy book?”.

“Got that too” Morgana smirked. She opened it up, photos of each week of pregnancy with “tales of the bump” written in gold on the cover. She wrote down the last of her pregnancy and birth story, putting a reminder in her phone to print out one of the photos from the hospital. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yassss schools are finally back!!! That means that I probably won’t have as much time to update as I’ll be busy again and we’re no longer in full lockdown like before


	8. Chapter 8

**Welcome to the planet. Welcome to existence. Everyone’s here. Everyone’s here. Everybody’s watching you now. Everybody waits for you now. What happens next? What happens next?**

_11th August 2020_

Merlin and Morgana had only been home a day with a newborn and were already finding it hard. Alfie wanted to constantly be held or in the Ergobaby embrace, or close to his parents in some way. The first night when he was put in his Next2Me he was rather cranky so Morgana held her hand protectively over him which was the only thing that would stop him crying. Alongside that, even though the hospital had cleared Alfie’s breathing as normal she was worried, keeping an eye on Alfie all night to make sure that he didn’t stop breathing even though they were co-sleeping. 

By the time morning came around, Amhar was happily entertaining himself in his room. They’d opted to switch from a sound baby monitor to a video one with multiple cameras so that they could easily keep an eye on both children. 

“Amhar’s awake!” Merlin gasped. 

“How is it morning already” Morgana groaned as she hid her head under the pillow. Alfie started crying. “I fed him like an hour ago”.

“You do baby, I’ll do toddler” Merlin said as he left the room. Morgana groaned and pulled down her tank top to feed Alfie, he latched on extremely quickly and began hungrily guzzling. She put him down for a moment and he let out a cry in distress, as she began to put the carrier on and then buckle it up around the newborn. After double checking he was feeding again and content, Morgana headed down to the kitchen. 

“We look _terrible_ ” Morgana remarked. She hadn’t brushed her hair yet, not having the time to do so. 

“Hashtag new parent life. Good grief, you look exactly like you did when you tried to take over Camelot”.

“I said _we_ look terrible Merlin, not just me” Morgana smirked. 

Merlin shrugged as he passed Amhar his breakfast. “Amhar, you feed yourself okay?”.

“Yeah” Amhar agreed as he sloppily picked up the cereal with his spoon. “What that?”.

“What’s what?” Morgana asked. 

“That” Amhar said as he pointed at Morgana’s boob. “What Alfie eating?”.

“Mummy has milk in her boobies that Alfie drinks” Morgana explained. “All babies drink milk, but some have it in a bottle and not from their mummy”.

“Me try?” Amhar asked. 

“No, you’re a big boy. Only babies drink from their mummies. You have a cow cup for big boys”.

“Okay” Amhar shrugged and went back to chugging on the sippy cup. 

“Coffee really is amazing isn’t it?” Morgana remarked. 

“It’s good to have it back” Merlin agreed. “Any plans for today?”.

“Hm ... not today I don’t think. This heatwave has finally ended, maybe we can go for a walk later” Morgana said as she checked her phone. 

“Okay. Then we have our photoshoot tomorrow, followed by the results day for a-levels”. 

“I mean _imagine_ not having to sit your exams” Morgana smirked. “Lucky sods”.

“Then again they probably are rather stressed”. 

“I really do feel for the kids” Morgana sighed. “They’ve been just left out, not a single thought about then. It’s so shit”. 

“Mummy, naughty word” Amhar warned. 

“Sorry” Morgana sarcastically retorted. “Mithian wants to zoom call, Morgause wants to meet up but she’d probably give the baby ‘rona. You got any texts?”.

“Gwaine wants to, Elyan has coronavirus so obviously we’re video calling”.

“Shit” Morgana inhaled sharply. “Elyan has coronavirus!”.

“He does” Merlin nodded. “Suffering quite badly from it ... so we might see him, might not”.

“Okay” Morgana sighed. “Bloody hell, we actually _know_ someone that tested positive”.

“It was inevitable, yet I didn’t expect it. Gaius is wanting to see the baby, can’t remember if I mentioned it but he’s quarantining with Alice”.

“The same Alice that delivered Alfie?” Morgana raised an eyebrow. Merlin nodded. “Cool!”.

“Can’t say I expected that reaction” Merlin chucked. 

“Post birth and breastfeeding hormones” Morgana shrugged. “Also Sefa, Sarah and Elizabeth want to see him too”.

“Looks like we have a lot of calls to do” Merlin grimaced. “Will is calling later too”.

“Well, we better make ourselves look presentable. Actually, flip it. New parents stuff”.

“Flip pancakes? Pwease mummy”.

“When did you have pancakes?” Morgana asked. 

“Gwandma” Amhar grinned. “With _chocolate_ ”.

“We’ll see, if you behave”.

“Okay mummy”. After breakfast Morgana and Amhar took their vitamins, Morgana had a pregnacare breastfeeding one while Amhar had Wellbaby, given that like most toddlers he was fussy and Merlin and Morgana decided to not give him formula as it was too expensive and they had to continue paying nursery through lockdown so once the formula shortage ended (due to panic buying!) they didn’t bother buying any more. Morgana changed from her pyjamas to a nursing tank and postnatal leggings and putting her hair up in a messy bun, Merlin got changed himself and Amhar. They still looked absolutely shattered, yet did look slightly better than before as they sat down at the table to begin the video calls, opting to begin with Mithian. 

“Aww let’s see the baba then!” Mithian squealed. 

“Where’s Athena?” Morgana asked. 

“Here she is!” Leon exclaimed in a baby voice. She was wearing a white dress and a hairband, grinning a gummy smile at the camera and giggling. 

“Oh my gosh she’s grown!” Morgana gasped. “She’s gotten so big”.

“Six months old now” Mithian smiled. “Well, let’s see the baby!”.

Morgana tilted the camera down, Alfie was asleep in her arms. 

“He’s so tiny!” Mithian gushed. “Aww he is adorable”.

“We think so too” Merlin agreed. “I think we’re a bit biased”.

“He’s gorgeous” Leon smiled. “How’s Amhar been with him?”.

“Hi!” Amhar squealed as he climbed onto his chair. “I a big bruvverr now”.

“You are! Is it good looking after baby Alfie?” Mithian asked. 

“Yeah” Amhar replied. “I da best big bwother, I got four now”.

“Four brothers!” Mithian gasped. 

“Yeah, Deee, Giddy, Leeee, Amma and Alfie” Amhar babbled. 

After chatting for a little while longer, Alfie and Athena both needed feeding so they stopped the call. 

“Amhar, we have something to tell you” Merlin said as he pulled Amhar onto his lap on the sofa. 

“Yeah?” Amhar asked as he rested his head on Merlin’s chest. 

“Do you remember how Alfie used to be in mummy’s tummy?” Morgana said. 

“And now he eats from mummy’s boobies” Amhar declared. 

“Yes that’s right” Morgana chuckled. “You weren’t in mummy’s tummy when you were a baby”.

“Was I a egg?” Amhar asked. 

“No sweetie”.

“Did I fall out the sky?”.

“No” Merlin grabbed the photo frame they had with a picture of Arthur, Gwen and Amhar. “This is you when you were a baby, and you weren’t in mummy’s tummy, you were in Gwen’s tummy”.

“Gwen tummy” Amhar said. 

“And that’s Arthur, mummy’s brother” Morgana said. “Babies are made of mummy and daddy. And the mummy and daddy that made you are Arthur and Gwen”.

“Yeah” Amhar said. “Arwur is Deeee and Leee and Giddy’s daddy”.

“Yeah, that’s right” Morgana smiled. 

“I have two mummy’s and two daddy’s” Amhar declared. 

“In some way, yes” Merlin nodded. “But Arthur and Gwen, they aren’t here anymore. They went to heaven”.

“Why?” Amhar asked. 

“Because they had an accident and it was very serious”.

“Okay” Amhar shrugged. “Call Deeeee?”.

“He’s probably with his girlfriend” Merlin chuckled. “But we can give it a go”. Dylan had forgotten to silence his phone and was still in bed when they FaceTimed him. Not that they were surprised, it was nearing lunchtime and Dylan wasn’t working. 

“Where you girl fwend?” Amhar asked. 

“Amhar!” Merlin exclaimed at the toddler’s question. 

“She’s on holiday with her mummy, daddy, brother and sister” Dylan chuckled. 

“Why?” Amhar asked. 

“Cause they wanted to go on holiday”. 

“Where they go?” Amhar asked. 

“Ireland I think” Dylan replied. Morgana gasped, turned away and took a deep breath as she felt her eyes begin to water. Her mother was in Ireland and she couldn’t go see her. Not with coronavirus and not with a newborn. Even though her world felt like it was ending in some way and beginning in another, for everyone else it kept on going. 

“Morgana” Merlin asked. “What’s the matter?”.

“I think I’ll go” Dylan said awkwardly. “It was good to see you and the baby”.

“Byeeee” Amhar squealed as Merlin hung up. 

“His girlfriend went to Ireland” Morgana sobbed. “My mum’s there. I _want_ to see her, I _truly_ do. Though now we have a newborn and I can’t risk him getting ill again, I just can’t”.

“Though you want to see your mum” Merlin completed. 

“Exactly” Morgana nodded as Merlin wiped her tears. “It’s like .. you know, there’s a part of me that wants to go, wants to be able to see my mum. Though on the other hand, I can’t. There’s too much at stake, we have the baby, there’s a pandemic, I mean it’s so bloody hard to decide what to do!”.

“This is things from my point of view” Merlin said as he wrapped his arm around her. “When your mother left she obviously caused a lot of anguish and pain. Then as you were only a kid you were .. unsure on how to deal with it though over time you managed to get used to it. Then during one of the most vulnerable times of your life, she all of a sudden comes back and you’re back to being that little girl”.

Morgana solemnly nodded. “I guess seeing as I was the little girl that wanted her mummy, and and now I’ve got a family of my own—you, Amhar, Alfie it just makes it that much harder...knowing that she did what she did”.

“Of course it would” Merlin agreed. “That and I think that you’ve made the right decision for you. Never mind about your mother, while you _do_ still care you’ve”.

“Moved on” Morgana completed. “Getting on with my own life”.

After that they ate lunch and then called the twins. Elaine and her partner Avgravaine (who also happened to be Arthur’s uncle) had moved up to Scotland from Birmingham just after lockdown had ended and the twins had finished their school year. They were in year 11 so it was vital for them to not miss the year, although they technically could have moved earlier. This meant that all of Amhar’s contact with them would be over FaceTime for the foreseeable future. After the call it was Amhar’s nap time, Merlin and Morgana had a much needed nap too for almost an hour before Amhar woke again and they were back onto the calls—Sefa, Elizabeth and Sarah had a joint one together so that the four friends could catch up and also ‘meet’ Alfie. Early bedtimes were most certainly a thing in the Emrys household, so after Morgana’s friends caught up with her they called Gaius then had their dinner. Morgause had yet to meet the baby, yet after she’d done she could wait. 

* * *

_12th August 2020_

The day of the photoshoot had rolled around. With Morgana dressed in her wedding dress, Merlin in the suit he wore for the wedding and Amhar wore something rather similar to what he wore to the wedding, given that he’d outgrown the actual outfit. Alfie wore a Superman baby outfit, it was a bodysuit that looked like a shirt that Superman ripped open to show the super suit logo with shorts, he didn’t seem to like clothes that much and it was a miracle that he wore that without crying. 

“How do we leave the house with two kids?” Merlin wondered. 

“Hopefully Alfie won’t hate the car” Morgana grimaced. “I’ll feed him then we can head off”. After Alfie was fed, with two car seats in the car and Alfie’s pram in the boot, they drove off to the photo studio. Morgana was adamant on abiding by the half an hour car seat rule for newborns, given that oxygen levels were shown to drop if an infant was in their car seat for more than half an hour while a newborn, yet this did increase to two hours when the baby was over four weeks. They began by taking some of Morgana holding Alfie, followed by a couple of Merlin, Morgana and Alfie together. Merlin held Alfie and smiled at him, Morgana standing behind him with one hand cradling Alfie’s head, the other on Merlin’s shoulder then did poses with Amhar. Amhar and Alfie looked adorable together in their pictures, Alfie remained asleep for the majority of it and then was hungry so had a few shots while he was fed before they went home. 

Amhar was sleeping and transferred over to his bed and Morgana took the baby to the room and lay in bed with him in her arms. 

“You okay?” Merlin asked as he poked his head around the door. 

Morgana nodded. “My tit is about to explode so he _definitely_ needs feeding. Could you get me some water please?”.

“Of course” Merlin replied as he grabbed some water and snacks before returning to the bedroom. 

“How are you finding it?” Morgana asked. 

“It’s been tiring, that’s for sure” Merlin sighed. “Very tiring. Like, I didn’t know that this level of tiredness _existed_ ” Morgana chuckled. “Then again, at the same time, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been”.

“I’m glad” Morgana smiled. 

“How are you? Are you okay?”.

“I’m struggling a bit, I guess. Like I said, suddenly we’re responsible for this tiny human being and they put so much trust in you. Like Amhar at the park when he wants to hold your hand, he just generally trusts you _so much_ to be able to protect him, and. That’s hard”.

“I’ll take him for a bit” Merlin said as he kissed Morgana’s forehead. “Get some rest”.

“No, I’m not tired” Morgana insisted. “Besides I’m still feeding him”.

Merlin sat next to Morgana in the bed leaning against the headboard. “You’re finding it difficult, aren’t you?”.

Morgana nodded as tears began to roll down her face. “I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Yet it’s hard, so hard. Then there’s all these restrictions, the fact that my mum’s alive, the feud with morgause”.

“Having a newborn is hard at the best of times” Merlin agreed. “Let alone the worst. I think it’s okay to accept that these are the worst times”.

“I mean, we’re not doing the bad habits we used to—drinking, self harming. I _should_ be over the moon, overjoyed. All I feel is sad and terrified of everything, he’s only a few days old for fuck’s sake!”.

“Remember, this time last year—fifteen months ago, you though you wouldn’t survive. I know you’ve been in that position many times”.

“And the point is?” Morgana arched an eyebrow. 

“That you think that you might not be able to survive things and that it’ll be hard, but you’ll always manage to get through it. You’ve got to keep fighting”.

“I suppose so. This time, at least we have Alfie”.

“And each other” Merlin added. “Do you believe in soulmates?”.

“I’m literally talking to my soulmate right now” Morgana grinned. “I loved you, but it didn’t work out. We died, fell in love again and that didn’t work out. Arthur and Gwen died, we fell in love again. Now look at us”.

“A family of four” Merlin smiled. 

“I remember that when we first met and remembered all over again ... the end of 2017”.

“We met in September 2017 and everything was great until December, the Christmas party if I remember correctly?”.

“That’s it” Morgana confirmed. “That was when my memories returned and as you know everything went ... splendidly”.

“It’s like it was written in the stars” Merlin commented. “Though you asked me if you thought we’d met before because of the dreams”.

“I remember that when I first remembered all over again, Arthur and I had a conversation. Not at the party, that’s when he realised and said that’s why they didn’t want us to be together. I went home and sulked then went to Scotland with my friends”.

“I remembered the morning after when Freya tried to seduce me!” Merlin cringed at the memory. “Bloody hell, I can’t believe she tried that!”.

“Well Alvarr and I were going to have a child together” Morgana shrugged. “Though Arthur said that memories only return when you meet the one”.

“It’s like he knew we were soulmates!” Merlin’s eyes bulged. 

“I think so” Morgana agreed with a small smile. 

* * *

_13th August 2020_

“This is the life” Morgana sarcastically remarked. It was the middle of the night, she was leant on her side feeding Alfie while Merlin changed his nappy. Alfie seemed to hate his next2me, so Morgana ended up bringing Alfie in bed most nights and co-slept with him, using the crib as a bed guard and storage area for nappies, cotton wool and bottled water. While they did have a lot of water wipes, they were adamant on using nothing but water and cotton wool for the first six weeks. 

“Oh my god!” Merlin groaned and scrunched his nose up. “Bloody hell Alfie! How’d you make _that_ smell?”.

“It’s better than Amhar’s nappies” Morgana shrugged and checked the time. Nearly one o’clock. “I have never been so tired in my entire life”.

“Me neither” Merlin agreed as he binned the dirty nappy. 

“It’s worrying as hell, my tit hurts like hell, but this is amazing”.

“Aww, he’s milk drunk” Merlin cooed as he leant over Morgana and looked at Alfie. 

“How did something so perfect come out of my vagina” Morgana said. 

“And my penis in some way” Merlin added. “He’s so small”.

“I know” Morgana agreed. “Look at him! This is us, y’know? This is our family. While things are bloody hard, literally” Morgana pointed at her swollen nipple. “It’s also great”.

“I don’t even care about being sleep deprived anymore. This is just _amazing_ ”.

**Author's Note:**

> As per my previous parts, updates will be Mon, Weds and Fri. This will be spanning from July 2020 for over a year and is (so far!) my longest piece yet. As this is set during 2021, I am writing things as they go along in real time, as I had some plans for August 2020 with coronavirus being essentially gone ... well we all know how that turned out.


End file.
